Life and death are two inseparable components of the earthly existence of the human soul. Different peoples have developed certain burial rules, carefully passed down from generation to generation. According to Christian customs, the dead are buried in the ground, on the day of burial a wooden eight-pointed cross is placed on the grave, flowers are laid. When are wreaths removed from the grave after the funeral and is it necessary to do this? Let's try to answer these questions based on church canons and folk traditions.
The cross as a symbol of the incorruptibility of the soul
According to Christian customs, the cross should be placed at the feet of the deceased so that the face of the deceased is turned towards the crucifix. This rule is often neglected by placing a cross in the heads. Often another church canon is violated - screwing a photograph of a deceased relative to a cross. You don’t need to do this, just hang a sign with the name and dates of birth / death.
For the Orthodox, the cross is a traditional form of tombstone, the top of the head tending upward points to heaven - the place of residence of the soul freed from the mortal body. According to established traditions, flowers are laid on the grave and funeral wreaths are placed in tribute to the memory and respect for the deceased.
Which flowers are better, live or artificial?
Maintaining order in the cemetery is not so much a spiritual aspect as a social one. Agree that the deceased absolutely does not care what his grave looks like. It is necessary for the living - so that there is somewhere to come in moments of sorrow or joy, to ask for advice or receive a blessing. The question of when the wreaths are removed from the grave after the funeral according to church canons should not have existed in principle. In any case, until the middle of the last century, such a problem did not arise.
The thing is that, according to Christian customs, the graves were decorated with fresh flowers, the lifespan of which is short. Therefore, they were removed during the first few days. It is possible and necessary to clean the burial place from unnecessary details, to bring it into proper form at any time. This is the view of most clergy. Moreover, according to the canons of the church, artificial flowers, which have replaced living ones today, are a symbol of lies and hypocrisy.
Binding to the fortieth memorial day
In Soviet times, when they were not particularly respected, a tradition arose to lay flowers made of light fabric or paper on the graves. Today, funeral wreaths are made of plastic, which significantly extends their lifespan. These funeral attributes can be in the open air without damage to their appearance for several months and even years.
People who are deeply religious, when asked when the wreaths are removed from the grave after the funeral according to church canons, usually answer: by the fortieth day after the burial. In fact, there are no strict church rules in this regard.
It is possible to explain the validity of this statement by the custom that has developed in Orthodoxy, after 40 days after the funeral, to invite a priest to the grave of the deceased to perform a funeral service. It is highly desirable that the place be beautifully and cleanly tidied up for the arrival of the priest. But we repeat: there are no prohibitions on restoring order in the places of burial before this period.
How to care for a grave
Care of the graves, according to the clergy, should be carried out regularly, as needed. Clean up faded flowers, replace wreaths that have fallen into disrepair, touch up crumbling earth - this can be done at any time. In this way, the living pay tribute to the dead, show those around them and, first of all, themselves, that in their hearts the memory and love for the departed do not fade away.
When wreaths are removed from the grave after the funeral, in case of subsidence of the soil, it is corrected with a shovel, giving the mound the correct shape. The surface can be overlaid with green turf, perennial flowers can be planted around. Chrysanthemums, zinnias, marigolds, daffodils, lilies of the valley take root well and do not require constant care. In this case, there is no need to use artificial paraphernalia.
What to do with worn-out wreaths
At each cemetery, there are specially designated places for storing such items, which are ultimately household waste to be disposed of. Many countries are gradually phasing out the use of artificial wreaths, as plastic recycling requires additional costs and harms the environment.
Imagine a huge city cemetery where hundreds of burials are made every day. Naturally, when the wreaths are removed from the grave after the funeral, whole heaps of unnecessary memorial attributes are formed, which are then taken to the landfill. In rural areas, wreaths that have served their time are simply burned somewhere nearby. The acrid smell of plastic released at the same time not only pollutes the environment, but also violates the benevolent atmosphere inside the village churchyard.
What days you can not clean the cemetery
According to church charters, it is forbidden to clean, paint fences, plant flowers and trees on graves on all Sundays, and even more so on Orthodox holidays. Such actions are considered sinful and disrespectful to the church.
In addition, there are certain periods when you should not go to the cemetery at all. These include:
- Holy days (from 7 to 20 January).
- Maundy Thursday, Good Friday and Holy Saturday.
- Easter and the Bright Week that follows.
- Days of the Twelve Feasts.
- Any Sunday.
Visiting the dead usually begins with Radonitsa (Parent's Day), which falls on Tuesday sixteen days after Easter.
Do you need a memorial?
The Orthodox Church condemns any excesses in the arrangement of burial sites. But since many of us do not consider ourselves deeply religious, over the past few decades, it has become customary to erect monuments on graves. As a rule, such monuments are made of marble or granite, cast from various types of metal. You can often hear in response to the question of when to erect a monument after a funeral, the statement: not earlier than in twelve months. Why is that?
Some explain this by the need to endure a period of 1 year, after which any manipulations on the grave of the deceased will not be able to disturb him. According to popular beliefs, after 12 months the soul of the deceased finally leaves our world. It is quite possible that there is some rational grain in such reasoning. No one has yet managed to look beyond the boundaries of eternal darkness.
Interestingly, heavy tombstone workshops will tell you the same thing. Only the foundation will be more mundane, without reference to afterlife mythology. So, when to erect a monument after a funeral? Only when the soil on the grave is completely compacted will it finally shrink. This process usually takes at least one year. Otherwise, a metal or stone structure may stand unevenly, warp, fall or deform due to the movement of soil layers.
The cross is not a hindrance to the monument
Now we know where and when the wreaths are removed from the grave after the funeral. But according to Orthodox customs, the crosses installed during the burial should be handled with care. Even if you decide to immortalize the memory of a deceased relative in marble or bronze, the cross must be left in place. The monument in this case is installed either next to the cross, or on the opposite side from it.
In some cases, the cross can be laid next to the grave or, in agreement with the clergyman, burned in a church oven. It seems that in any case, external manifestations of respect for the dead are not so important. The main thing is spiritual kinship and memory that lives in our hearts.
Signs that portend an imminent death
In Russia, it is customary to associate the souls of the dead with birds and animals. It is believed that the soul of a close relative is able to reincarnate into a bird or an animal, which, as it were, warns the living members of his family about the impending disaster. If the bird sits down and knocks on the window, then expect bad news about the death or serious illness of a person close to you. Also, people in Russia believe that after death, the soul of the deceased can enter the body of a dog or cat and come to their home to stay at least a little longer in the family circle.
If there is a seriously ill person in the house and his facial features began to sharpen during his lifetime and his nose became cold, then this means that he will soon. It is believed that Death came very close to him and pulls him by the nose into the other world.
A sharp improvement in the well-being of the dying is also considered a bad sign. As they say: "Before death, the patient felt better." There are many cases when a practically dying person literally a day before his death felt relieved, he even had an appetite, and he began to move around the house on his own. However, at night he became very ill and died.
Another one that portends a quick death: if a dying person suddenly starts to shudder, then it is believed that Death itself begins to look into his eyes.
If the patient begins to collect the sheets into a fist or make such movements as if he is collecting something from his body (the people say "looks"), then these signs also portend his imminent death.
Signs related to the funeral
If in the house, then everyone there immediately needs to hang all the mirrors. It is believed that the soul of the deceased can accidentally fall into the looking glass, from where there is no way out. Mirrors are kept hung for forty days. After this period, the soul of the deceased finally passes into the afterlife and the mirrors can already be opened. There are many chilling stories that tell of what can happen if this ritual is not observed. Oddly enough, but even inveterate atheists, for the most part, still hang mirrors if someone close to them dies in their house.
In the room where the coffin with the body of the deceased stands, all doors and vents are closed and pets are not allowed into this room. If a cat jumps on a coffin with a body, then this is considered a very bad sign, and a dog, with its barking and howling, can scare the soul of the deceased, which is next to its lifeless body for three days after death.
For forty days after death, a cup of water is placed in the house of the deceased, and a cotton towel is hung outside. It is believed that the soul comes into the house, drinks water and wipes himself with a towel. There are many cases when the water in the cup, left overnight, miraculously disappeared.
It is considered a very bad sign if one's eyes suddenly open. People say that soon there will be another death in this family. As if the dead man is looking for a fellow traveler to the next world.
Signs associated with the coffin and things of the deceased
You can not clog the coffin lid in the house. This may portend another death. After the coffin was taken out of the house, it is necessary to sweep and wash the floors, after washing it is better to throw away the broom, rags and bucket. It is believed that in a similar way, death is washed out from all corners. This superstition is strongly associated with another sign: when someone goes on a business trip or on a trip, it is recommended, on the contrary, not to wash or sweep the floors during the day.
If it turned out that the coffin turned out to be large for the deceased, then one more death should be expected soon.
Relatives accidentally bought extra items for the funeral ritual - this is also a very bad omen. In no case should such things be left at home - they must be placed in the coffin of the deceased so that he takes them with him to the grave.
Signs associated with the cemetery and the grave
It happens that the coffin does not fit in the dug grave. This sign indicates that someone else will die soon. They also say: "the earth does not accept him." There was such a case when the deceased bequeathed to bury him next to his parents, but, for a number of reasons, the relatives failed to fulfill this last wish of the deceased loved one. He was buried in a new cemetery, where the graves were dug out with the help of special equipment. When the funeral procession arrived at the cemetery, it turned out that the grave was too small for a coffin, and the gravediggers had to expand it manually. The relatives of the deceased then discussed this incident for a long time and blamed themselves for not being able to fulfill the last will of their deceased relative.
It is also bad if the grave begins to collapse. This, too, could mean another death in the house. 
What to do if you meet a funeral procession
If you are walking down the street and you meet a funeral procession, then it is strictly forbidden to cross its path. Also, you can not distill the hearse by car. Taxi drivers and professional drivers really believe in this sign.
You can't watch the funeral from the window. If a coffin is carried past the windows, then it is best to wake up all the household members sleeping at that moment. It is believed that the deceased can take with him all those who are sleeping at that moment.
My father's mother was an extravagant, greedy, sometimes malicious woman. She devoted her whole life to poisoning the lives of her children and grandchildren. She lived only for herself, made demands, claims. Even living in the same house with her three sons, she put a lock on the door of her room, where she hid food, money and all that.
The sons grew up without her support, they were raised by their grandmother on their father's side. My father was the middle son. When the eldest went to Uzbekistan to study, and my grandmother Alexandra died, my father was left alone with his brother, because. their mother took care of her life, and their father, my grandfather, was on a business trip in Cuba.
My father began to study at a technical school, majoring in geology. On a scholarship of 30 rubles, I had to feed my younger brother and live on my own. The light was turned off in the house for non-payment, and they stole it by running an extension cord from the basement to the apartment in order to turn on the lamp in the evenings and the tape recorder. They ate mostly bread and sprats.
A few years later, all the sons got married. My grandmother immediately disliked my mother. And everyone called her a prostitute. My mom is tired of it. She found a way to move into another apartment with my father. When my mother was pregnant with me, my grandmother told everyone that the child was from someone else. Fortunately, I was born exactly the same, copying the genes of my father. When I was a year old, she fed me ice cream, almost sending me to the next world. I had false croup. I miraculously survived, but I had to learn to walk and talk again. She often held me at arm's length from the fourth floor balcony. Supposedly for sunbathing. One day, my father saw this and heard from her: “Here I am holding, but my hands are trembling. I think I’ll drop it - I won’t drop it? After that, she was forbidden to approach me until my fifth birthday.
In the hungry 90s, when my parents were tight, there was no work, no money, my sister and I were skinny, often malnourished. One day my grandmother called and joyfully invited us to make dumplings. She has both flour and meat. We joyfully went with my mother, my father was on watch at the drilling rig. All day the three of us made dough, minced meat, and made dumplings. And the grandmother all this time was filled with cheap chatter. And when we finished making dumplings, and were waiting for when it would be possible to cook and eat them, she began to scold and kicked us out of the house. So we went home not salty slurping. The father, having arrived from the watch and learned about this, called his mother and said that he would not forgive her either during her life or after her death.
In 1997, she developed gangrene on her legs, after an operation to replace blood vessels, she spent 2 years at our place, poisoning everyone's life with her despotism. She died in 1999. We buried her and breathed freely. But soon they noticed that the earth on the grave was constantly sagging. We made the hill again. For the third time, my father could not stand it and exclaimed: “Why is she eating it or what?”.
This went on for about 6 months. My father's older brother once invited him to go to the cemetery, to fill in a larger grave, so that it would last for a long time. They piled buckets on the hill until late in the evening. And when they left the cemetery, they said goodbye and went home. We never saw my uncle alive again. He was killed a few days later, beaten for a long time, asking where his money was, and then thrown out the window from the second floor, already dead, arranging everything as an accident.
My father felt the moment of his brother's death. He was just thrown out of bed. Even though he was sleeping. And a couple of hours later his wife came to us and took my father to the hospital, to his older brother. There it already became clear that they brought him late, and the life support apparatus was running idle. It was a shock for us.
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1. Should the cross be removed from the grave after the tombstone has been installed?
Why is he needed there? Perhaps, people you know and completely unfamiliar to you say, referring to the "father", that the old cross should not be removed in any case. Let's think: if you decide to update your apartment, will you leave a piece of old wallpaper on the wall in memory of the past repair? And the opinion of the neighbors on this matter will hardly interest you.
Do you think that the old cross should be next to the new monument until it falls? Let it stand.
If you want the burial place of your loved one to look decent - remove all unnecessary. Your memory does not depend on the presence of the cross on the grave.
2. Is it necessary to wait a year after the funeral for the earth to settle?
Preferably. The change of seasons, atmospheric precipitation and wind do their job - and in a year the mound settles by more than half. Although the monument is placed on a concrete base, blocking the grave, it is better to wait until the earth is sufficiently compacted. This will be more reliable. A year is enough to boldly erect a monument.
It happens that the earth on the grave sags after five or ten years. But the pipes or channel of the base of the monument will not allow it to lean.
3. They say that it is necessary to draw a cross on a tombstone.
It's a matter of personal preference. Some believe that a religious symbol emphasizes belonging to a particular religion. Others do it because "it's supposed to be." Still others quite seriously believe that "... the deceased prays, looking at the cross."
The Bible, on the other hand, quite definitely says that the dead know nothing, because "... their love, and hatred, and jealousy have disappeared ..." (Ecclesiastes 9:6). Only the bitterness of loss and our memory of them remained.
Sometimes an atheistic star and an Orthodox cross coexist on the same memorial stele. Meaning?
4. Do I need to wrap the monument in cellophane for the winter?
What is the purpose of covering the monument with cellophane? So that in winter the stone does not absorb water and it does not penetrate into possible microcracks, and freezing water does not break the stone. All clear.
However, from the inside, due to the natural humidity of the air, condensation appears on the cellophane and the surface of the stone. It is the water from which the monument is hidden. Condensation is a harmful phenomenon for any structure, and ventilation is the best means of combating this phenomenon. In our case, it is the wind. And if the monument is open, then it dries out much faster.
5. Everyone around is ashamed that until now the monument has not been erected (placed, but not like that).
We all live in a society and therefore cannot, of course, ignore the opinions of the people around us. However, we should not let someone else's conscience judge us.
Now is a very difficult time, when it is not easy to get daily bread. And the installation of a monument is quite a big expense. There is no doubt that the deceased was somehow close to us and probably loved us very much. Would he enter into our position or would he also begin to shame?
Therefore, it would be wise to realistically assess your capabilities and then already act in accordance with them.
6. Do I have to pay extra for carrying the monument during installation?
In addition to their direct duties on the installation of a commemorative sign, installers perform the functions of loaders, and this is hard physical labor. Please treat this fact with understanding.
The ideal condition for a team of installers and the most free for you is the complete absence of any tomb structures at the burial site.
Dismantling - removal and transportation of the old tombstone to the place of garbage collection. Well, if it is removed easily enough. And if he is half in the ground? Or do you need half an hour to break it with a sledgehammer?
Carrying is the delivery of a set of commemorative signs to the place of burial. The mass of the marble set (stele 1.0 m, stand and flower box) is approximately 200 kg. What if it's more? And granite will be even heavier. And it's all in your hands...
Are the requests of the installers really unreasonable?
7. Why is it better to make a tombstone from natural stone?
Yes, because the artificial is only a semblance of the natural. Artificial stones are beautiful in appearance. But how durable are they?
Ancient cities were built of natural stone and are still standing today. For example, the Athenian temple of the Parthenon on the Acropolis was built two and a half thousand years ago from Pentelian marble. But it collapsed not from time, but from the nucleus of the Venetians who besieged Athens, who flew in on September 26, 1687 through the roof of the temple, and got into the powder kegs warehouse.
For the construction of many pyramids of ancient Egypt, processed limestone blocks were used - they still stand.
The Alexander Column on the Palace Square in St. Petersburg is made from a single piece of granite. Its height is more than 25 meters with a diameter of 3.66 meters and it weighs about 600 tons. Not fixed by anything, it stands only due to its weight and the unshakable power of the granite base since August 30, 1832.Marble and granite are stones that have stood the test of time perfectly.
