Home Palmistry Spiritual mentor how to understand. Who is a spiritual mentor in the Orthodox Church and how to choose the right one. The sacraments performed by a clergyman are always valid, unless he is prohibited from serving or defrocked.

Palmistry

Spiritual mentor how to understand. Who is a spiritual mentor in the Orthodox Church and how to choose the right one. The sacraments performed by a clergyman are always valid, unless he is prohibited from serving or defrocked.

Hello, father! In the past I led a very vicious life, drank a lot, was addicted to hard drugs, fornicated, committed adultery, worked as a swindler (scammer), assisted in the murder of my child - these are just a small part of my exploits. The Lord enlightened me, I was very close, nose to nose, faced with the enemy of the human race, I almost died, and through this I came to faith. For the past three years I have been going to church, periodically (1-2 times a year) I break down, I start drinking, I drink for a month, sometimes two, then I get up, repent, I start to pray again, go to services, participate in the Sacraments. During the neophyte period, I thought everything, life changed forever, only forward to the Lord, and not a step back. Now I do not believe in my strength at all, I am confused. I understand what is needed spiritual mentor, but where to find him, and how to ask the priest to become your confessor? I live in Korolyov, for the second year I go to the Holy Trinity Church, I really like your sermons, and I perfectly understand how busy you are, but can you tell me a priest to whom I can turn with this request? God bless you Father John. Dmitriy

Answer: Dmitry! Hold on tight.

Do not trust yourself, your strength, but constantly think about God, eternal life. And every time pray, at least in your own words, that the Lord will help you get rid of your passions. Try not to have free time. Schedule the day so that you have no time to think about wine. Find joy in work, reading, family, but only - not in drunkenness. Read the Bible.

As for the priest. Next to us is the Holy Trinity Lavra, I advise you to find yourself a prayer book and confessor there. If it is too far to go there, come to the temple or call, contact me, I will help you in any way I can.

Help, Lord, to overcome your passions.

Sincerely, Father John

Finding a confessor and a parish is not easy. Here, not only circumstances common to all play a role, but also the personal characteristics of a person: his interests, habits, and much more. Spiritual life is, in principle, too complex to give universal advice.

But at the same time, there are a number of things that everyone should pay attention to. They will make it possible to avoid the most common mistakes in churching, and will prevent them from falling into a pseudo-Orthodox sect instead of the Church.

1
Love

In the Gospel, the Lord himself gives a simple but very sound advice about what is the main hallmark Christian. The Savior reminds the apostles: By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another (). It is by this criterion that one should look for a community and a confessor.

At the same time, you should not hope that you will suddenly come across a temple where only saints go. Note here that even the saints had their sins and shortcomings. And therefore, in order not to be disappointed, from the very beginning one should not harbor illusions: in any human community there is always misunderstanding, conflicts, and tensions. The only question is their degree. A parish, like any other organization or group, can equally turn out to be both an association of normal, living (and therefore not without problems in communication) people, and a “terrarium of like-minded people”.

Arriving at the temple, you are unlikely to immediately understand all the intricacies of relations between regular parishioners, this will take time. But you can immediately notice if the parish has problems in relations with other communities and the Church as a whole. The idea of a besieged fortress, the only "correct" parish, can take on a variety of forms, but this is always a reason to be wary. To oppose oneself to the rest of the Church, to assert that only your rector has the ultimate truth is a sure step towards a secret sect under an Orthodox sign.

2
Liberty

The parish is not a barracks, where everything is subordinated to the execution of the commander's will, and the subordinates should not think about anything. The task of a confessor is to teach a person to think independently and make decisions independently. Therefore, a good spiritual father will give advice rather than orders, help the parishioner with his self-education. And will never cut off the shoulder.

Unfortunately, there are also such cases when, having seen a parishioner for the first time, the priest orders him to go to the monastery or tie the knot with a stranger. Often such priests are surrounded by people who tirelessly repeat that "father -" and he must be obeyed unquestioningly. However, one should not forget that such an attempt to break someone else's will does not correspond to the idea of the life of a Christian and is even condemned by the conciliar decision of the Church.

The Decree of the Holy Synod of the Russian Orthodox Church of December 28, 1998, points out to priests that it is inadmissible to persuade parishioners to leave their studies, work or military service, become monks, marry, make any donations. On any of these topics, of course, you can consult with the priest, and he will give you an answer, but he himself has no right to force you to do anything and demand this from you.

Orthodoxy is a religion of freedom. However, do not forget that if you make a free choice in favor of evil, you personally will be responsible for it.

3
"Working with Sources"

No, even the most experienced, priest can say things that contradict the Holy Scriptures, the canons of the Church and its conciliar decisions. Therefore, the best defense against falling into a pseudo-Orthodox sect can be for you to work with "several sources." Trust your confessor, but at the same time read the Gospel and interpretations of authoritative theologians, do not avoid educational courses, even if they take place outside your parish. Do not be afraid to consult not only with yours, but also with other priests.

There is nothing sinful in the fact that you strive as fully as possible, including from primary sources, to learn about your faith. On the contrary, education is one of the most important pillars of a Christian's spiritual growth.

But at the same time, be careful, do not let yourself fall into another extreme, and do not think that after a couple of weeks of studying at catechism courses, you will definitely begin to understand everything better than your parish priest. Experience shows that a newly converted Christian, who does not have the proper education and experience, can himself mistakenly understand this or that place in Scripture, unknowingly misinterpret the words of the Church Fathers or the decision of some council. In such a situation, one step remains before unfairly condemning one's confessor, and even the entire Church. More than one tragic split arose in this way, due to the illiteracy of people armed with “half-knowledge”.

Therefore, if something in the words of your confessor confuses you, try to check and double-check it in as many ways as possible.

4
Churchness instead of subculture

A common mistake of a person entering a temple for the first time is trust in those who are sometimes called church freaks.

Indeed, the Church has its own traditions, even its foundations: there is nothing strange in this. On the contrary, sometimes it is the Church today that acts as the custodian of all the best that is left to us from traditional society. However, firstly, the Church is not a reserve of antiquity or some special subculture. A church-going man does not have to grow a beard and learn to say “God save you” instead of the usual “thank you”. And, secondly, the degree of spiritual growth and closeness to Christ is again not determined by the length of the beard or skirt.

A novice Christian has a lot of questions: how to pray before eating? Many things seem unusual to him, and this needs to be dealt with. Not least in order to learn to distinguish between important actions for a Christian and exalted behavior.

Remember Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov. The real elder Zosima speaks there in a completely understandable language, does not try to be a fool, although people who are far from the Church, who do not understand many of his actions, suspect him of this. At the same time, his opponent, a monk, who is clearly suffering from many spiritual illnesses, attracts people to himself precisely with his strange behavior, stories about revelations, actors' attempts to portray a popular saint.

5
Above parties

The Church is out of politics. Of course, she cannot avoid any collision with politics, and conversations on the relevant topics will also periodically arise, because they are carried on by people everywhere. However, when political topics begin to dominate the life of the parish, this is already an "alarm bell". After all, let's say, you go to the hairdresser's to get a haircut, and not just to hear even the closest political slogans to you personally from the mouth of the hairdresser. If for your money they talk to you about politics, but they don’t cut your hair, you will be justifiably indignant.

It's the same in the Church. Please note that today famous priests touch on public topics, but whatever they start talking about, the main goal of their speech is Christ and His sermon. For the sake of this, the priest can turn to the problems of the economy, and to political issues, and to the environment, and to contemporary art. But the goal of the conversation should remain a Christian understanding of the problem, that is, ultimately, a conversation about God and eternal salvation, and not about who to vote for.

And, of course, it is absolutely unacceptable if people in the parish are "culled" on political grounds. After all, approaching Communion, all Christians are equal brothers who have left momentary disputes in the name of eternity.

Gurbolikov Vladimir

It is not easy to choose a confessor and a parish. Here, not only circumstances common to all play a role, but also the personal characteristics of a person: his interests, habits, and much more. Spiritual life is, in principle, too complex to give universal advice.

Love

In the Gospel, the Lord himself gives simple, but very true advice about what is the main distinguishing feature of Christians. The Savior reminds the apostles: By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another (John 13:35). It is by this criterion that one should look for a community and a confessor.

Liberty

There are, unfortunately, such cases when, having seen a parishioner for the first time, the priest orders him to go to the monastery or tie the knot with a stranger. Often such priests are surrounded by people who tirelessly repeat that "father - perspicacious old man” and it must be obeyed unquestioningly. However, one should not forget that such an attempt to break someone else's will does not correspond to the idea of the life of a Christian and is even condemned by the conciliar decision of the Church.

Orthodoxy is a religion of freedom. However, do not forget that if you make a free choice in favor of evil, you personally will be responsible for it.

"Working with Sources"

Therefore, if something in the words of your confessor confuses you, try to check and double-check it in as many ways as possible.

Churchness instead of subculture

A common mistake of a person entering a temple for the first time is trust in those who are sometimes called church freaks.

Indeed, the Church has its own traditions, even its foundations: there is nothing strange in this. On the contrary, sometimes it is the Church today that acts as the custodian of all the best that is left to us from the traditional society. However, firstly, the Church is not a reserve of antiquity or some special subculture. A church-going man does not have to grow a beard and learn to say “God save you” instead of the usual “thank you”. And, secondly, the degree of spiritual growth and closeness to Christ is again not determined by the length of the beard or skirt.

A novice Christian has a lot of questions: why fast, how to behave in the temple, how to pray before eating? Many things seem unusual to him, and this needs to be dealt with. Not least in order to learn to distinguish between important actions for a Christian and exalted behavior.

Remember Dostoevsky's The Brothers Karamazov. The real elder Zosima speaks there in a completely understandable language, does not try to be a fool, although people who are far from the Church, who do not understand many of his actions, suspect him of this. At the same time, his opponent, a monk, who obviously suffers from many spiritual illnesses, attracts people precisely with his strange behavior, stories about revelations, and acting attempts to portray a popular saint.

Above parties

zemskova777 - 07.10.2014

Dear readers, continuing your favorite column, in which we give brief recommendations on spiritual life, today we will touch on a very important topic. How to find spiritual father? How to build a relationship with a confessor? What to do if there is no confessor? These questions must have been asked by every church person. Of course, you need to thank the Lord if you have a spiritually experienced mentor who prays for you and especially cares about the salvation of your soul.

In professional sports, it is unlikely to achieve serious victories and win the Olympic Games if the athlete does not have a strong coach. So in the spiritual life, spiritual guidance is important. The tradition of spiritual spirituality has existed since the first centuries of Christianity. Confessors were either specially chosen by the hierarchy, or Christian life itself nominated them for a special service due to the fact that they were drawn to for advice, spiritual help, like some monks in our monasteries. In this article, we will try to answer frequently asked questions and hope that it will be useful to you.

FOR THOSE WHO HAVE A Confessor:

The relationship between the confessor and the child should be built on mutual respect and Christian love. But it happens that some lay people replace the good veneration of the priest with some kind of fanaticism. It shouldn't be. A priest is not a heavenly angel, he is the same person, but providentially chosen by the Lord to serve God and people. The ideal for all of us and the main confessor for all is our Lord Jesus Christ.

Obedience , as Metropolitan Anthony of Surozh writes, it is, first of all, the desire to listen and hear not only with the mind, not only with the ear, but with the whole being, with an open heart. In spiritual life, as in family life, it happens that children, having not received proper education, grow up and cease to trust their parents, from whom they received life itself. They think they have enough knowledge to solve all the problems of life themselves. And, ignoring the experience of the closest people, they make irreparable mistakes. Doubts arise from unestablished faith and from ignorance human nature in her fallen state. Most often, the priest borrows the basis of his answer from Holy Scripture. That is, he does not say what he personally thinks or believes, but what God Himself spoke about it. Is the questioner ready to accept the Will of God? Unfortunately, most often we are looking for the fulfillment of our will.

What to do if you cannot fulfill the blessing of the confessor? There can be two situations here: when the confessor gives obedience that contradicts the commandments, this, of course, should not be performed. And if the blessing is for good, but the child does not listen, then here we are talking, rather, about pride and distrust of the confessor and the fact that through him the will of God is revealed. No one can take away a person’s free will, but it’s worth considering why you should look for a confessor at all if you don’t obey him or obey according to your mood.

Unquestioning and absolute obedience without spiritual reasoning is scary. It is tantamount to self-destruction. It transforms people into zombified individuals who have lost the Divine gift of personality and freedom. Obedience in Christianity is, first of all, listening to the gospel truths and following them in the freedom of the chosen path: "Faith by hearing, hearing by the preacher" the Apostle Paul teaches. "He who listens to you listens to me" Jesus Christ says.

Is it possible to go to other priests? No one can prohibit communication and confession with other priests. Especially if it is caused by a change of residence, travel and other objective reasons. But still, first of all, you need to confess to your confessor and maintain regular communication with him, primarily prayer, and also share important moments of your life. We can have many teachers and mentors, but only one priest can become a spiritual father.

How to pray for a spiritual father? First, in daily prayer rule, which we read in the morning and in the evening, there are prayers where we commemorate the confessor in the very first place. Secondly, there are separate prayers for the spiritual father (see below). Thirdly, every Christian has his own commemorative synodic, where the confessor's name should also be written down. Such a commemoration book is read at church services and at home (cell) prayers. Pious children serve in churches and monasteries notes about their spiritual mentors - masses, prayers, magpies. It will not be superfluous to ask other priests and laity for prayers for your confessor. The grace of faith and prayer brings different people together, strengthens them with a union of love.

What to do if there are doubts about the right choice of confessor. Yes, people make mistakes, and the spiritual life is no exception. But do not rush to conclusions. main reason when it is worth parting with the confessor, these are his “blessings”, contrary to the Commandments of Christ, the suppression of freedom and negative impact on the spiritual development of man. Otherwise, most likely, unkind thoughts are temptations. And here only one thing can be advised: to intensify prayer and trust in the will of God. And in bad thoughts, suspicion, and on this basis, the desire to find a new confessor, you need to repent. Just as we have one parent forever, so ideally there should be one confessor.

Can one priest be the confessor of the whole family? Yes, this pious practice has existed in Rus' for centuries. It's wonderful when the priest knows the family well. It will be easier for him to give advice, support and nourish people with whom he is well acquainted.

How often should you communicate with a spiritual father? Spiritual relationships cannot be measured by the amount of time a confessor devotes to his spiritual children if a strong alliance of mutual understanding has been established between the shepherd and the flock. Sometimes a few heartfelt words of a shepherd, reverently acceptable by spiritual children, are enough to make everything clear in the soul. Indeed, between their souls there is an atmosphere of trust and love, as in a family, when children know that their father is always with them. Even if at the moment he is not around, they do not have a feeling of loneliness, abandonment. You should try to keep in touch with the confessor, even if you are separated by long distances. There is a pious tradition to congratulate the confessor on the holidays, share difficulties and joys, write letters to each other, talk on the phone - in our age of modern technology, this has become easy.

About Confession. The task of the confessor is to help the penitent to open up his heart and soul, to awaken faith in the inexpressible love of God and the resurrecting power of repentance. And at the same time, to affirm the will of the penitent in a firm determination to leave a vicious way of life, not to commit lawlessness. How can a confessor give you the right advice if you don't confess to him? But Confession is not a time for idle talk. We need to protect our spiritual fathers, just as we protect our parents. It is necessary to prepare for Confession seriously - tune in, prayerfully warm your soul, first reconcile with everyone, maybe for someone it would be better to write everything down on paper. Repentance is the Sacrament of changing the mind, the rebirth of the soul, and not a formal account of many sins.

What should not be discussed with a confessor? There are such children who simply overcome their confessors on trifles, up to the question of the color of the wallpaper or the breed of the cat. This is absurd. Questions related to everyday life should not be put before the spiritual father. We need a confessor for spiritual guidance. The question of the rule of prayer, preparation for the Sacraments, advice in significant matters and serious situations, requests for prayers - in this we should always seek advice and help from the priest. Let's remember the gospel words: Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33).

FOR THOSE WHO DO NOT HAVE A Confessor:

Today, finding a spiritual father is not an easy task. And it can not be treated formally. How often does it happen that a girl gets married so that she simply has a husband, or has a child so that he, too, simply has, not understanding the true meaning of family and childbearing. Nothing good from such stories usually develops in secular life, and even more so in spiritual life. Approximately 10 people out of 100 now have confessors. Perhaps not everyone needs a confessor so urgently.

What if there is no confessor? We live in the age of information technologies, which in many ways have also served the benefit of the Church. Could people who lived 100 years ago imagine that there would be Orthodox television, radio, newspapers, magazines, Internet portals, mobile applications? Watch the channels "Spas", "Union", "My Joy", be edified by the word of God on Orthodox websites. And then no one canceled spiritual books, which are presented in a great variety in icon shops and stores.

“Live according to conscience and the Gospel, listen to the Lord Christ and read holy fathers», - this is how the elder answered one young woman to her question: “How can I live without a confessor?” And, perhaps, this is the only correct advice for both those who have a confessor and those who do not.

Does everyone need a spiritual father? The question is very difficult. The fact is that in Orthodox ascetic literature, the theme of the need for a spiritual mentor and how carefully one should fulfill his blessings, perceiving them as the will of God, avoiding self-commitment, and regularly confessing one's sins and all thoughts to him is very often heard. However, this practice largely applies to monastics. Moreover, in ancient times, the elder and the novice often lived almost in the same cave and they had time both for regular joint prayer and for daily spiritual conversation. Self-denial and humility of one's will before the spiritual father is part of the ancient monastic practice. This is what is called obedience. If you do not have such an opportunity and desire, perhaps you do not need a confessor.

How to choose the right confessor?
- You need to trust your heart... By confessing and communicating with a priest, asking for his advice, you will soon understand if this is really your future confessor. If his advice has a positive effect on your spiritual life, you find comfort and support from him, you feel joy and peace from communicating with him, you see the power of his prayer and mutual disposition towards you, then you can ask the priest to become your confessor. But first you need to fervently pray to the Lord to send a spiritual father…
- Take a closer look at the parish where the priest serves. A good shepherd has peace and love, joy and an active good life in the parish.
- You can talk with the spiritual children of the priest, the parishioners of the temple.
- There is no need to strive to run across the seas and oceans in search of a spiritual father, often he is closer than you think. And it would be wrong to tell everyone and everything about your confessor, having found him. Still, our spiritual life is a very personal topic.
- There is also a simpler advice: go to a church whose parishioner you consider yourself to be, find a priest among those who serve in it, whom you trust, with whom you confess, and pray for him so that the Lord will reveal His will to you through him.
- On the advice of Archimandrite John Krestyankin: "Never rush to call the first priest you meet your spiritual father. Go to church, confess, take communion, ask the priests about the issues that concern you, and only then you will understand that out of many - one is closest to your soul, you will contact only to him."

ABOUT PRIESTHOOD:

Power knit and solve(Matt. 18:18), that is, to forgive people's sins, and more generally, the power of spiritual guidance and fatherhood was entrusted by the Lord Jesus Christ to His Apostles. From them, she passed on to all subsequent generations of bishops and pastors. And the task of spiritual leadership has always been entrusted to the pastors of the Church, although in some eras, for example, in the era of iconoclasm, when there were not enough pastors or when many pastors veered into heresy, ordinary monks took over spiritual leadership.

There have been many types of spiritual leadership in the history of the Church , but there are two main ones. The first type is the ministry of the parish priest, who is the spiritual leader of his parishioners. The second type is eldership, which became widespread in Byzantium and in Rus'.

What is the difference between a confessor in the world and in a monastery? The parish priest is entrusted with the task of teaching people, helping them with advice, but he cannot and should not take the life of the parishioners under his full spiritual control. Another thing is the type of spiritual leadership that took shape in some monasteries, where there were monks experienced in the spiritual life, where novices and monks voluntarily entrusted themselves to obedience and complete spiritual submission to the elder. Here the relationship was already built on a different basis: the elder could not only give advice to his students, but also give orders, and they had to obey him implicitly. It is precisely such relationships that exist today on Mount Athos, where each of the monasteries is headed by an experienced leader in spiritual life.

PRAYER FOR THE SPIRITUAL FATHER

Save, O Lord, and have mercy on my spiritual father (rank and name), grant him spiritual salvation and bodily health, protect him with your holy angels. Multiply spiritual gifts in him, fill him with wisdom and love, send him a warm prayer. And for the sake of his holy prayers, grant forgiveness by my sin, correction of life, prosperity in virtues. Send him Your rich mercy. Remember, visit, strengthen it and keep it for many years for the sake of us sinners. Lord, You are immeasurably holy, immeasurably righteous, immeasurably merciful! Sanctify with Thy holiness my spiritual father (rank and name), justify him with Your righteousness and cover him with Your mercy. Lord, You have united us on earth, do not separate us in Your Heavenly Kingdom. Amen.

Confessor and SPIRITUAL FATHER: IS THERE A DIFFERENCE?

– Is there a difference between the concepts of “confessor” and “spiritual father”? Some of the priests say that these are synonyms, and someone says that a confessor is any priest who conducts the Sacrament of Confession, and a spiritual father is the one who leads the spiritual life of a Christian. Why such a discrepancy?
- In short, this is due to the difference in the traditions of the confessor of the Russian Church and the Greek-speaking Churches. In the Orthodox East, not every priest has the right to confess believers; there are special priests-confessors experienced in spiritual life. The Trebnik (a book that contains the following of the Sacraments, including the Confession) has a special chapter "On what a confessor should be like." Naturally, it appeared from the Greek editions. It says what qualities a confessor should have, that no one can confess without special permission from the bishop (as in the Greek tradition). That is why, according to the Trebnik, the concepts of a confessing priest and confessor are the same.

In Rus', due to the fact that for each clergyman there were (and still are) a much larger number of parishioners who wanted to confess, a tradition was established to allow any priest to conduct the Sacrament of Confession. But only experienced priests, who in the Russian tradition are called confessors or spiritual fathers, can exercise spiritual guidance and give advice in spiritual life. Here these words are already synonyms.

QUOTATIONS OF THE SAINTS ABOUT PRIESTHOOD:

If someone sincerely and wholeheartedly seeks salvation, God will lead him to a true mentor ... Do not worry: he will always find his own.

Reverend Lev of Optina.

Do not pay attention to the one who is already advanced in years, but to the one who is adorned with spiritual knowledge, deeds and experience, so as not to receive harm instead of benefit.

Reverend Isaiah.

It is necessary to ascertain in advance in the righteousness, in the experience of the elder, and then already trust his word and unquestioningly accept his advice. The sign by which this can be recognized is the agreement of his word with the Word of God. If someone points out to you something that is in accordance with the commandments of our Lord, accept it with humility and try to keep it, so that the word of the apostle will be fulfilled in us: obey one another in the fear of God(Eph. 5:21). On the contrary, if someone points out to you something contrary to the Divine commandments, then say to the one who gives instruction: Is it fair before God to listen to you more than to God(Acts 4:19)?

Saint Anthony the Great.

Excellent is your desire to be in complete submission to an experienced mentor. But this feat is not given to our time. He is absent not only in the midst of the Christian world, sometimes even in monasteries. Mortification of the mind and will cannot be done by a person of the soul, even if he is kind and pious. This requires a spirit-bearing father. For advice, for leadership, it is not enough to be pious; one must have spiritual experience.

Saint Ignatius (Bryanchaninov).

Before looking for an experienced confessor, you must, as they say, rub your eyes, put in your heart the desire to be a good Christian, have a firm faith, be an obedient member of the Holy Church, fight your evil habits and then pray earnestly that the Lord will help you. find a spiritual father, and you will certainly find him...

Hieromartyr Arseny (Zhadanovsky).

One must cling to the Lord, believe and trust Him, not formally reading the Gospel and prayers, but one must turn to the living God. The Lord will send and give a spiritual father when you turn to the Lord.

Archimandrite John (Krestyankin).

Now the question of where and how to find a leader is solved by itself. Take the one whom God has sent and trust him, as Saint Ignatius the God-bearer teaches. Be afraid to remain without any guidance; seek it as the first good.

Saint Theophan the Recluse.

I do not consider myself anyone's spiritual father and I do not recognize anyone as my spiritual children; Why? Because I see not only myself incapable of spiritual guidance, but in all my life I have not seen a single one capable of this, nor have I seen a single child capable of obedience and of life under the guidance of a spiritual father. Maybe that's why there are no fathers, because there are no capable children.

Hegumen Nikon (Vorobiev).

If you leave your spiritual father with despondency, with longing, with an even greater burden than you came to him, if he causes you suffering, and these sufferings drag you to the ground, and you do not receive relief, beware of such a father! This is the true sign of your true spiritual father who can guide you: if you leave him relieved, your soul is lifted above the ground, you feel new strength, peace, joy, light, love for everyone with a desire to work on yourself. , to serve Christ - know that this is your true spiritual father.

Holy Righteous Alexy Mechev.

Sometimes, speaking of a spiritual father, they use the expression spiritual father, but a person does not become a spiritual child of a priest just because he constantly confesses. Relationships of spiritual kinship arise when a person feels that his heart is open to the confessor, that God wants to save him through love, prayers and instructions of the confessor. Then the person turns to the confessor with a request to be his spiritual father. This is a very responsible step, because the change of the spiritual father is always a mental and spiritual trauma for both, is always not useful for the departing spiritual child, and is permissible only when there is no other way out. A spiritual father, like a father, must be alone for life, therefore, before asking for spiritual children, you need to pray to God for enlightenment, so that He either confirms the desire that has arisen in the heart, if it is true, or expels it from the heart, if it not from God.

Archpriest Konstantin Ostrovsky.

IN CUSTODY I would like to note that we must purely pray to God that He send us a spiritual leader. Cordially
we wish everyone to find a soul mate, congenial and experienced confessor. If you can't find such a mentor, don't worry. The main confessor for all of us is the Lord! And the best spiritual guidance for every day - this is the Gospel and the creations of the holy fathers. Also for everyone who needs advice and spiritual support, it will be useful Internet project "Father Online"

As a shepherd, performer of the sacrament of repentance; 2) spiritual mentor; 3) a special official in, whose duties include the spiritual guidance of the brothers (sisters) on the way to (the main duty of such a confessor is the pastoral care of the inhabitants of the monastery and their spiritual condition; he helps to ensure that all the inhabitants of the monastery go to confession and commune with the Saints Mysteries of Christ; private conversations of the spiritual father are also very useful for the monks, which will help them to better understand the meaning of the monastic path).

Confessor

Candidate of Theology, Lecturer at the St. Petersburg Theological Academy, Archpriest Alexander Glebov

Leading. Who is a confessor, why is he needed, and is it necessary for every believer to have his own confessor?
Father Alexander. The question of a confessor, or spiritual father, is very complicated, and within the boundaries of our transmission, it is quite difficult to give an exhaustive answer to this question. Therefore, I will draw the attention of our viewers to several topics that seem to me the most important.
First: who is a confessor? The confessor guides and instructs a person in his spiritual life, in the matter of salvation. It is clear that the confessor must first of all have spiritual experience himself. He must also have the ability to communicate this experience to other people. Not every priest can be a confessor. Priests should not be reproached for this, because it is impossible to learn to be a confessor either in a seminary or in an academy; this is not given to a person in the Sacrament of the Priesthood. This is a kind of charisma, a certain ability. Not every person has this ability, therefore it is better to be left without a confessor at all than to choose a person who does not have this ability, a person inexperienced in spiritual life, as a spiritual guide. In order to be a leader, in order to lead someone, you need to know the goal to which you are leading this person. You also need to know the road that leads to this goal. You need to lead to where you yourself have already been, otherwise, it will turn out, according to Christ: “If the blind lead the blind, then both of them will fall into the pit.”
Second: the sphere of activity of a confessor is exclusively spiritual, religious life person. A confessor is not an oracle; you should not ask him questions that are beyond his competence. The confessor does not solve issues of family well-being, issues related to the professional activities of people, health and so on. If the confessor is experienced, then his advice can be authoritative only in the field of spiritual life. On all other issues, he can, like any person, express his own opinion, but this does not mean that his opinion will be correct. Let me give you an example: many people choose a member of the monastic clergy as their spiritual mentor. They come to his monastery and begin to ask questions about how to act in a given life situation. For example: how to establish a family life and relationships with a spouse, or how to establish a business, or how to raise children? Well, tell me, what does the monk understand about this? What does a monk understand about how to raise children, even if he is a holy man? It is necessary to ask a mother of many children, and not a monk - this is completely natural. If the confessor is inexperienced, then he can advise such that if a person takes everything seriously, then he can simply cripple his life. Who and whom to marry, who to get divorced, who to take monasticism, who to leave secular work and take holy orders, which doctors to treat or not to be treated at all, what kind of education to give children, and so on. If you perceive all these recommendations as a voice from heaven, then you can do a lot of trouble, but you don’t need to address such questions to the confessor - this is not his field of activity.
Third: when a person becomes a member of a church community, he should not look for a confessor, he should look for Christ. And in order to find Christ in your heart, you do not need any special recommendations and advice - everything is written in the Gospel. In practice, quite the opposite happens. People wander from one monastery to another, trying to find somewhere a special spirituality, a special grace. They are busy looking for an old man who will solve all their problems, answer all their questions, and at the same time they forget, or perhaps they don’t know at all, the words of the saint that a change of place does not bring us closer to God. The Lord quite clearly said in the Gospel that the Kingdom of Heaven is not in Jerusalem, not on Mount Athos, it is in the heart of man. In order to find this Kingdom in your heart, it is enough to regularly go to church, confess, take communion and do what the Lord commands: to live according to His commandments. Then a person will acquire that “peaceful spirit” to which he pointed out as the goal of the Christian life. If this spirit lives in a person, if it acts in a person, then the Lord will show the person from within how to act in this or that life situation.
Leading. Does this mean that the confessor's advice is optional? How then to be with church discipline, with obedience?
Father Alexander. In answer to your question, I will read out a quote from an interview with the deceased. This interview was given by Vladyka back in 1999, and it dealt specifically with abuses in the practice of clergy. Vladyka Anthony says: “Obedience does not mean slavishly following the instructions of the priest, even if they are given in the form of advice. Obedience - from the word "listening", and the purpose of obedience is to teach a person to break away from his own thoughts, from his own attitude to things and listen to what the other person says to him. This is where obedience begins, and it applies not only to church practice, but to all relationships between people.” I really have nothing to add to this, I can only comment. Obedience, indeed, is not a blind fulfillment of everything that your confessor or priest tells you. Each of us has our own view of things, each of us has our own opinion. We always believe that we are right, not our opponents, and so, obedience is an attempt to look at the world through the eyes of another person. Do not withdraw into yourself, listen to the opinion of another, and Vladyka Anthony is right when he says that obedience concerns not only church discipline. Without obedience, no community at all is possible, no community of people is possible if we do not take into account the opinion of those who are close to us. Why do conflicts arise? Why do families break up? Because people often just do not hear those who are next to them. Especially in matters of spiritual life. It is imprudent to rely only on one's own opinion in spiritual life, on one's own ideas, which are sometimes very distorted. It is necessary to listen to the experience of other people, perhaps to take something from someone else's experience into your life - this is what is called obedience.
Leading. If there is no confessor, then before communion one has to confess to any priest who may be younger, and people who come to confession may be more experienced in spiritual life. Can a confession be considered successful if the priest who receives it is inexperienced in the spiritual life?
Father Alexander. The question of the relationship between the personal qualities of a clergyman and the reality of those Sacraments that he performs was raised in the Church with ancient times. Already in the first centuries, such a doctrine arose, according to which the Sacrament is valid only when it is performed by a clergyman worthy of his moral qualities. If the clergyman is unworthy, then no Sacrament is performed. refuted this doctrine as heresy, and this is why: what does worthy or unworthy mean? What is meant by dignity? After all, every person, regardless of what hierarchical level he occupies, has his own shortcomings, weaknesses, limitations. If by dignity we understand a certain impeccability of a person or his sinlessness, then in this sense, worthy people simply do not exist. The holy fathers often slip the idea that saints are sinners who have realized themselves, who are aware of themselves as sinners. All people are sinners, but those people who realize their sin, bring repentance to God, try to correct themselves - something works out for them, something they don't - that's what we call them saints. But these saints are still sinners, still people with their own shortcomings. Practically in each of the prayers of the rank of the Liturgy there is an appeal from a clergyman, bishop or priest to God that the Lord, despite his personal unworthiness, perform the Sacrament of Transubstantiation. This is expressed most clearly in the rite of the Liturgy in Prayer. There are such words: “Yes, not for my sins, forbid the grace of Your Holy Spirit from the Gifts presented.”
The sacrament is performed by the Lord. The priest is not the performer of the Sacrament, he is the minister of the Sacrament. He is a clergyman, not a clergyman, and in this case the personal qualities of a priest have nothing to do with the reality of the Sacrament. As the saint said back in the fourth century: “It doesn’t matter which print from the seal is gold or clay, the seal is still the same.” The same applies to the Sacrament of Confession. A priest is neither a judge nor an interrogating investigator. The function of a priest in the Sacrament of Confession, in prayer from this rank, is defined as a witness. “Christ stands invisibly, but I am only a witness,” the priest reads a prayer. This testimony at the Sacrament of Confession was compared with the testimony of a friend of the groom, which happens at a wedding. You know that when a marriage is concluded, there is always a witness on the part of the groom and on the part of the bride, who puts his signature, certifying that the marriage took place. Indeed, this parallel is very appropriate, since a wedding is a joyful event and a person's repentance is also a joyful event. The Lord said that he had more joy from the conversion of one sinner, from his repentance, than from ninety-nine righteous people who did not need this repentance. The function of a witness at a wedding is not paramount. It simply indicates that the marriage is concluded. The priest also testifies to the sincerity of a penitent person. A priest may be young, and inexperienced, and poorly educated, but in order to share the joy of repentance with a person, to pray with him, one does not need to graduate from universities for this. The Sacrament of Repentance, that is, the renewal of a person, the cleansing of his soul from the disease of sin, is performed by the Lord in response to the repentance and prayer of the person who comes to confession. The personal qualities of the priest in this case are not decisive, as, indeed, in the rest of the Church Sacraments.

Confessor

A hieromonk of an honest and charitable life, endowed by God with spiritual reasoning and diligent in reading the Word of God and patristic writings, is appointed to the position of the Confessor of the monastery. The duty of the Confessor is to perform the sacrament of Penance and to guide the brethren on the path to salvation. The confessor must keep a record of who and when communed the Holy Mysteries of Christ, so that everyone would steadily approach this great sacrament. Also, the Confessor is obliged, according to his indispensable duty, to visit the sick, comforting and encouraging them in mental and physical illnesses.

If the Confessor, due to the multitude of brethren or due to weakness, does not have time to receive all his spiritual pets, then with the permission of the Rector, some of them are allowed to be handed over to an experienced spiritual elder, but the Confessor is responsible for the correctness of the spiritual guidance from the elder.

In addition, with the blessing of the Rector, other hieromonks or simple monks, experienced in spiritual life, who are subordinate to the main Confessor of the monastery, accepting fatherly advice and instructions from him, may be appointed elders or mentors over novice monks.

In addition to the elders-mentors, confessors-hieromonks who confess pilgrims are subordinate to the confessor of the monastery, among whom one can be senior and responsible for the common work of confession of the confessors. In the great, responsible and difficult task of spiritual leadership, the Confessor is guided by the Word of God, the God-wise patristic writings, the rules of the Holy Church and the rules laid down in the Charter of the monastery. In perplexed matters, the Confessor asks the Rector and his reasoning and will follow.

From the Charter of the Holy Trinity Monastery