Perspicacious Archimandrite John Krestyankin The All-Russian Elder Father John Krestyankin was a truly perspicacious person. And although he himself denied this, many cases from the life of people who came to him eloquently emphasize his insight. One of such cases, recorded by Vladimir Melnik, we publish below. “Many believers have something to remember about the blessed old man from the Pskov-Caves Monastery - Father John ...
12. 05. 2012Family Instructions of Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) - Part 3 Peace be with you, dear visitors of the Orthodox site "Family and Faith"! We are publishing the third and final part of the answers of Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) to the family questions of his spiritual children, into which to breathe the spiritual support and great Orthodox wisdom of the great elder! Read the first and second parts of the answers at the links: Archimandrite's family instructions ...
17. 07. 2014Family Instructions of Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) - Part 2 Hello, dear visitors to the Orthodox island "Family and Faith"! We bring to your attention the answers of Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) to the letters of his spiritual children, which contain edifying wisdom, which is so necessary for us in our difficult and sometimes difficult family relationships: Read the first part of the answers at the link: Family Instructions...
14. 07. 2014Family Instructions of Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) - Part 1 Peace be with you, dear visitors of the Orthodox website "Family and Faith"! Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) received many letters from spiritual children, and he found time for deep and wise answers, directing their family life in a saving and peaceful direction! Let's read them and we are for our edification: Dear M. in the Lord! But you have to fight for your family, it's not easy ...
11. 07. 2014Archimandrite John preaches on the feast of Archangel Michael Good afternoon, our dear visitors! On today's holiday, we offer you an instructive sermon by Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), the words of which survived its author and will live forever in Orthodox sermons! “This day, my dears, the Church dedicated to the Archangel Michael the leader Heavenly Forces, and the icons depict him in a formidable and warlike form. On the head...
21. 11. 2012Peace be with you, dear visitors of the Orthodox website "Family and Faith"! We all want to be pleasing to God and our neighbors. But it often turns out that we do not have the knowledge and experience to live by faith. And it seems that we are generally unable to live according to the truth of God. But do not despair... The Holy Fathers warn that when a person comes to faith, a certain "hypnosis of great deeds" begins to act on him. What is it and how to overcome or prevent...
29. 01. 2020- How to avoid serious mistakes in raising a child? The question is answered by Fr. Alexy Uminsky - We must raise the child ourselves - not Orthodox gymnasiums, not Sunday schools, not a confessor, not a priest, but parents. Moreover, parents should raise the child in a completely sacrificial way. Father John Krestyankin in one of his sermons says: “Mother begins to pray, she asks God for help, but does not receive it. Why...
16. 01. 2020Peace be with you, dear visitors of the Orthodox website "Family and Faith"! Happy Feast of the Second Finding of the Relics of St. Seraphim, Sarov miracle worker! In the glorious city of Kursk, on July 19, 1759, the boy Prokhor was born into a pious merchant family, who, 27 years later, in 1786, will take monastic vows with the name Seraphim (“Flaming”) and in December 1787 will be consecrated to the rank of hierodeacon. And later he will become famous in the face of the great Russian saints. And before that...
Happy Holidays Sunday afternoon dear brothers and sisters! Today's Sunday gospel reading is dedicated to the parable of the merciful Samaritan, who turned out to be his neighbor's heart for the weak beaten man. Everyone passed by the wounded, no one dared to help, even those who were considered compatriots, even those who, by their vocation, had to help. And the Samaritan, stepping over all human conventions, fulfilled ...
24. 11. 2019O. John (Krestyankin)
for advice to which they went to Pskov-Caves Monastery Orthodox from all over the world, about the upbringing of children, says this: “Remembering the pious family of Joachim and Anna and the blessed Daughter born by them, will we not look back at ourselves, at our time with its spirit of ruin, and not creation. And do not we ask ourselves the question: what is the reason, where is the root of the cruel and gloomy bad weather that surrounds the world and puts it on the brink of death?
Are we not the destroyers of the house church, are we not the violators ancient rules family order, aren't we - who gave our children to be raised in a country far away, where they feed them with thistles and thorns and take them away from the Heavenly Father, take them away from their earthly parents.
Life is hard work. And it becomes unbearably difficult when God is expelled from it. After all, when God is driven out of the house, the worst spirits come in His place, sowing their deadly tares. Gloom and darkness have long begun to carry out their deadly plans, rebelling against the family, against motherhood, which hides the future of the world - the upbringing of offspring.
And we need to understand this, because this is our present and our future.
And this is our responsibility to God. Terrible responsibility!
And how many tears and heartache it cost a mother's heart to see how the little that could be done at home, in the family, was trampled down in the soul of a child at school.
Tears flowed, prayers flowed. Do not think that they are not seen and not heard. People may not hear or understand, but not God. And for God, these are not just tears, this is the way of the cross of a Christian mother, fighting for her child against the whole world, against the devil himself.
It's not even just a cross. This is martyrdom. Martyrdom for Christ. And the grace of God has always strengthened the martyrs, it has strengthened you in your unequal struggle for children, and it will strengthen you now. If only Christian conviction and striving did not weaken - our faith ...
But it is scary and destructive if for us, adults, faith in God remains only in words, and does not transform our everyday life and is accompanied in us by spiritual barrenness, which does not have the living life force of the Spirit of God. But ask for this miracle, and it will be given to you.
We all need to understand now that we urgently need to save from the corrupting spirit of the times and return to God our small church, our family. It is necessary to kindle in it the lamp of the Christian life in God. And only in this is the salvation of the world, our salvation.
We will not succeed immediately, it will be extremely difficult for us, but we must do it for the sake of life in eternity.
After all, fathers and mothers, God-blessed creators and patrons of their children, are responsible for them and for themselves. And isn't it our job now, in the desert of the world, where loneliness, vanity and indifference, anxious self-doubt and anger reign, to create a center of prayer. It must be remembered that where two or three are gathered in the name of God, there is the Lord in the midst of them - then the house will come to life! And one, and the other, and the third. The orders of the inner life of the family and of each person, disturbed by atheism, will be arranged. And the Kingdom of God, having returned to the soul, will again begin to transform the world. And the children will return to God, and they will return to their parents from the bad weather of the surrounding world...
Fathers and mothers! Alone, without your children, you cannot be saved - and this must be remembered! ..
And I will end with the words of the holy teacher of the Church, John Chrysostom: "There is no higher art than the art of education. A wise educator creates a living image, looking at which God and people rejoice."
So that we don’t cry now from our children, so that we don’t mourn for them and ourselves when they grow up, and so that today’s tears do not become the beginning of future ones, let’s not do God’s work - raising children - with neglect.
Our friends, if we still do not feel the danger of the spiritual savagery of mankind, which is gradually losing the image and likeness of God, threatening us, if we do not stop the process of apostasy and loss of faith in our families, in ourselves, then the time is near when the words of Christ the Savior will come true: "Son When a man comes, will he find faith on earth? (Luke 18:8) Amen."
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin).
Problems modern man in the letters of confessors of the XX century. Part 7
CHOOSING A LIFE PATH
Monasticism is a divine institution through which Christianity reaches its highest development. Among the rules of this divine institution is also that people enter monasticism with true will and subject this will before taking vows to strict scrutiny and testing.
Saint Ignatius Brianchaninov
Two paths are blessed by God - family and single - monastic. And both of these paths of the cross. The one who chooses his path should not "doubled and sway between the world and the monastery." In his letters, Father John constantly points out that we have forgotten how to think about our actions and their consequences. To a person choosing between the world and the monastery, he advised to get acquainted with the works of St. John Chrysostom about family and marriage and with deeds monastic life from the writings of the Fathers.
He asks one of his spiritual daughters to postpone her attempts to fulfill her desire to go to a monastery, explaining that there is no decisive and responsible choice in her, and advises her to get a specialty that will be useful both in the world and in the monastery.
Each person is responsible before God and people for the choice that he makes. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) in one of his letters writes that reasoning and responsibility are necessary both in worldly affairs and in spiritual life. He tells his spiritual daughter, we must not forget what we have received in life from God, including education, and, having other opportunities, engage in an irresponsible simple matter (washing floors), because of which material and spiritual uncertainty is born. . He recalls the duties of a mother to her daughter, which consist in giving the child a real idea of the upcoming feat of life and providing a specialty, a skill that can be lived. In his letters, he constantly reminds us that, having many responsibilities to the family and others, we often irresponsibly look for a different, dreamy path and achievement.
Father John writes that only after the choice of the person himself has been made, the blessing of the parent and confessor should follow.
FAMILY PROBLEMS…
Family relationships should be subject to spiritual needs.
Saint Theophan the Recluse
In the letters of confessors of the twentieth century, we encounter many problems that the modern family faces. First of all, the lack of a concept of the family and its purpose. Family - small church living according to the Gospel commandments, and, according to Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), "the salvation of the whole family is life in God for the whole family."
Christian marriage is sealed by the sacrament of the wedding, which must be approached responsibly and consciously, because it obliges a lot. Vows of love, fidelity, and obedience are made to be fulfilled throughout life. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), pointing to the responsibility of this sacrament, writes that wine mixed with water is drunk from a common cup during the wedding to the end. “Wine is the joys of living together, water is common sorrows, troubles, pains. But we drank a cup, but we don’t want to confirm with life given to God vow."
In family life, Schema-Archimandrite Vitaly (Sidorenko) advises his spiritual daughter to carry the cross with thanksgiving: "We must love, endure, be silent, give thanks."
Archpriest Alexei Mechev recalls that in family life everyone should forget himself completely, think only about others, and such an attitude of family members to each other solders the family so that they all feel: "it is impossible for each of them to live without others."
Shepherds constantly remind that human happiness consists in unity with God, the fulfillment of His saving commandments, and it is possible to solve one's vital family problems only from this position.
PROBLEMS IN CREATING A FAMILY
Those (wives) who shine with the beauty of their souls, the more time passes and the more they reveal their nobility, the stronger they make affection in their husbands and inflame their love more.
Saint John Chrysostom
Father John (Krestyankin), in one of his letters to people who want to start a family, says that one should not rush into marriage, when a lot of bad habits still prevent you from knowing yourself as a Christian. And during the period of spiritual warfare and formation, it is better not to tie the knots of marriage, for which a blessing is necessarily taken, firstly, from the parents, and secondly, from the confessor. We must try to "test yourself in pure friendship - it must lie in the foundation of a pure family."
He also warns that the sin of premature rapprochement cannot be laid at the basis of the nascent family: "Take care of each other. If sin is the basis of the future family, then nothing good can be expected. And there is no need to rush into the wedding." A happy family is cultivated with patience and many labors on both sides. To test the feelings of the future spouses, their responsibility before God for the creation of a family, Father John offers a two-year "trial period". Only by cultivating Christian patience, humility and love in oneself can one unite one's life with the life of another person.
Archpriest Alexei Mechev, an elder in Moscow, wrote: "The couple should mainly pursue not external beauty, as of little value, but spiritual beauty, which is dearest of all." One must learn to cover up mutual shortcomings with love, and then through such an “attitude towards each other, two beings, perhaps at first former and completely opposite to each other, draw closer and become close and live to the point that one heart and one spirit are formed” .
Father John (Krestyankin) is very attentive to the blessing for marriage with unbelievers and non-believers. As a person who has lived a long life and has seen a lot in it, as a priest and as a confessor, he knows perfectly well that marrying an unbeliever is a very difficult cross, and for many, unbearable. Such a marriage will not be Christian, since a home church will not be built. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), in response to a written request for blessing for such a marriage, writes: “You, as a spouse, cannot put up with the dissent of a friend, rightfully demanding understanding and sympathy from her in everything. a good man according to your human spiritual qualities, you may not be, the lack of a Christian core in the worldview will not allow me to raise my hand for a blessing, and you don’t need it.
In the same letter, Father John notes that he does not bind anyone with his word and that each person is free to decide his future life. He does not judge the state of the home church of the future wife, and who and what kind of cross is carrying in it. But there is a cross for salvation, which is carried with the help of the Lord and with His blessing, and there is a self-made one, under which a person often falls, because there is no help from above, and this cross does not console a person with the hope of salvation. “I dare to think that this marriage would be just such a self-made cross,” writes Father John.
Father John (Krestyankin) also warns against marriages in which one of the spouses already had several families and did not retain any responsibility to them.
“How many wives does your friend have?” Father John asks his spiritual daughter. “And why do you think that you will be better than them ... loved one, made the other happy with a baby, lulled the third with the prospect of love.”
In another letter, Father John heartily reproaches the woman addressing him: "And what are the plans, what are the plans? A secret wedding with someone else's husband. Are you a believer, then? If you can think and say such things."
The priest is very cautious about marriages in which the spouses differ greatly in age: “But your falling in love is a temptation for you. Such unequal marriages even before, with a healthier morality, did not bring happiness to anyone, and now it’s completely to go on the right path.” death and unbearable suffering. Yes, and the canons of the church should be known - after all, a possible age difference of ± 5 years is no longer acceptable. So leave your love as an unnecessary temptation for you ".
FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS
Do you want your wife to obey you, as the Church obeys Christ? Take care of it yourself, as Christ cares for the Church.
Saint John Chrysostom
Among the causes of family problems that arise are such as adultery, misunderstanding spiritual achievement one of the spouses, lack of material support for the family, marriages with non-Christians, drunkenness...
marital infidelity
As it is a criminal act to cut the flesh, so it is a lawless act to be separated from a wife.
Saint John Chrysostom
In many letters, we see the efforts of spiritual fathers to keep the family from falling apart in the face of emerging, sometimes very difficult, problems. For a family, one must fight with patience and pliability, and divorces break up the lives of not only spouses, but also children. Therefore, everything must be done to save the family.
Schiegumen John (Alekseev) reassures a Christian woman experiencing adultery: "Do not despair, do not be discouraged, calm down. Sin and misfortune with whom you have not been, says a Russian proverb. God forbid you leave your husband, be patient and pray; the Lord, in His mercy, will help you get through this hardship." Reminds her of the righteous Lot, whom his daughters drugged to conceive children from him. The confessor asks the suffering woman not to reproach her husband and not to remind him of this temptation, because in this way she will fulfill the Gospel commandment. “If you do this,” writes Schemagumen John (Alekseev), “then your prayer will go cleaner. Cover the sins of your neighbor and the Lord will cover your sins.”
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), responding to a letter about his wife's adultery, writes that "you can't live like that. Love in three is a great sin." He advises to make every effort to save the family, to pray for the spouse and to receive communion often. The father advises to talk to her and explain that she has no hope of creating a new family at that age, and before crossing out all her earthly life and rush into the pool of death, you need to think carefully. "Yes, and the punishment for her delusions from God will follow soon - these are modern serious illnesses. After all, when this happens, she will have no one to give water to." He asks to show the letter to his wife, promises his prayers, assesses what happened as "terrible stupefaction, and the torment that they found is already the threshold of hell."
In another letter to spouses who easily relate to adultery, Father John (Krestyankin) indicates that they do not think about their future, that life is short and there is eternity ahead, it is time to wake up from a sinful sleep and think about yourself. “If the wife does not think about restoring the family, then do not interfere with her divorce and dissolve the church marriage with the Bishop ... when you become free, you will think about creating a new family, but until you are divorced, do not ruin your life with mortal sins According to the canons of the holy fathers, the one who initiates the breakup of the family must remain alone, and the one who is offended can start a family again ".
In one of his letters, Father John (Krestyankin) has to admonish the clergyman. Batiushka writes that the spiritual exam for the spouses has begun, and the time has come to conduct a qualitative analysis of their faith and service to the Lord. There was a conflict in the family, you should pray and make every effort to save the family, "and you can’t even think about any helper - comforter. It’s sinful. Disastrous." It is possible to solve the issue of leaving for a monastery only when the spouse creates her own family. Finishing the letter, Archimandrite John writes: "Dear father, this is for you the very seal that everyone is afraid of, and without the terrifying three sixes."
Bibliography
1. Bible: Books Holy Scripture Old and New Testaments in Russian translation with parallel passages. - M.: Russian Bible Society, 1995. - 1376 p. ill. + App. (988 - 1008, 1347 - 1376 p.);
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23. Fomin S. Good Shepherd Life and Works of the Moscow Elder Archpriest Alexei Mechev. - 2nd ed., corrected. and additional .- M .: Serda-Press, 2000. - 768 p.;
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08 / 02 / 2006
The family is not only the basic cell of society, but also the most important school of Christian love. It is easy to love people who live at a distance and rarely appear in our lives. Loving loved ones and out of love for them to smooth out the shortcomings of one's character is much more difficult.
Sirs and madams, let me bring to your attention today a small collection of wise sayings dedicated to the institution of the family by the Holy Fathers, Church leaders, scientists and writers. Somewhere they will be encouragement, and somewhere advice, which sometimes each of us needs:
“Family relationships should be subordinated to spiritual needs. Marriage has much consolation, but it is also accompanied by many anxieties and sorrows, sometimes very deep. Keep this in mind so that when something like this comes, you will not meet it as a surprise. Now you two. And joys are stronger, and sorrows are easier to divide in half.
Cherish your love with your wife. This is the source of a happy family life. But you have to watch it so it doesn't get clogged. Most of all, be afraid to lose trust in each other or shake it somehow. Saint Theophan the Recluse.
“When you love, you do not want to drink any other water than the one you find in your favorite spring. Loyalty in this case is a natural thing. In a loveless marriage, in less than two months, the spring water becomes bitter.” Stendhal
“One person asked me: “Geronda, what connects a husband with a wife most of all?” “Gratitude,” I replied to him. One person loves another for what he gives him. A wife gives her husband trust, devotion, obedience. The husband gives his wife confidence that she is under his cover, protection. The wife is the mistress of the house, but also the main servant in it. The husband is the ruler of the house, but also the bearer of his burdens.
Between themselves, spouses should have purified love - in order to receive mutual comfort from each other and be able to fulfill their spiritual duties. In order to live in harmony, they must, first of all, put love at the foundation of life - that precious love that lies in spiritual nobility, in sacrifice, and not false, worldly, carnal love. If there is love and sacrifice, then one person always puts himself in the place of another, understands him, feels pain for him. And accepting a neighbor into his suffering heart, a person receives Christ into his heart, Who again fills him with His inexpressible joy.” Venerable Paisios the Holy Mountaineer
“Good spouses have two souls, but one will.” Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
“In marriage, everything must be sacrificed and everything must be endured in order to preserve mutual love; if it is lost, all is lost. True wealth and the greatest happiness is when husband and wife do not disagree with each other, are united with each other as one flesh. Such spouses, even though they lived in poverty and were humble, can be the happiest of all, because they enjoy true happiness and live in everlasting peace.
Appreciate unanimity in the family above all and do everything in this way and direct it so that peace and silence are constantly preserved in marriage. Then the children will imitate the virtues of their parents, and virtue will flourish throughout the house, and there will be prosperity in all affairs. Saint John Chrysostom
“Without a crown, one cannot live even a minute. Don't have an abortion. It will be nightmarishly terrible to answer before the Living God for violating the holy commandment of God: “Thou shalt not kill!”. Elder Nikolai Guryanov
“A just husband commands his wife, not as the owner of property, but as the soul of the body: taking into account her feelings and invariably benevolent.” Plutarch
“At the wedding, they drink a common cup: wine mixed with water is drunk to the bottom. Wine - the joys of living together, water (and more) - common sorrows, troubles and pains ...
Roses will be only at the beginning of the journey, and thorns (no family can avoid them) will appear later. But their number and soreness will depend on your wisdom, and most importantly, love. If your feelings include the apostolic definition of the concept of love, then you will not be far from happiness. Elder John (Krestyankin)
“The dependence of family life makes a person more moral.” Alexander Sergeevich Pushkin
“Celibacy is created by promiscuity. Both sexes avoid the union that should make them better, and stay in the union that makes them worse. Charles Louis Montesquieu
“The main misconception about family life today is that everyone is looking for and expecting happiness from family life as something ready-made, which they must certainly find without labor and effort. But there is no such ready-made happiness in any way and nowhere on our earth: here everything is obtained by labor.
Imagining that a happy choice of a party secures family happiness forever and that it is strengthened by the first inclination, many spouses now lose sight of the fact that at the first time of marriage they still do not know each other as they should, or even themselves in their new position. Only by standing close to each other, as spouses stand, and only by time can they study the way of thinking, tastes, inclinations, habits of each other, and, to the surprise of many, significant shortcomings are revealed in the chosen ones of the heart along with the virtues that attracted love.
The discovery of shortcomings, unexpected thoughts, desires and demands sometimes strike both spouses as something extraordinary, dangerous for happiness and proving a mistake made in the choice. With further detection of shortcomings, this idea is confirmed, and multiplying collisions, disputes and quarrels with a lack of observation of oneself and indulgence towards each other are taken as proof that happiness flies away, that marriage has failed, that it is impossible to live together, that it is necessary to disperse. Meanwhile, the rules of Christian life required both spouses, in gratitude to God for the virtues found in each other, to be on their guard and wait for the discovery of shortcomings as an inevitable belonging of each person; study them, treat them with all the indulgence that requires mutual love and be accepted with meekness and patience for correcting one another.” Archbishop Ambrose (Klyucharev)
“From our parents we received the greatest and priceless gift - life. They nurtured and nurtured us, sparing neither strength nor love. And now that they are old and sick, it is our duty to cure and bring them out!” Leonardo da Vinci
“The legitimate purpose of union with a woman should be the birth and rearing of children. When the one entering into marriage has in mind only sensual pleasures, strives only to please the lusts of his flesh, then he is deeply mistaken and by such union with a woman brings disorder into life relationships, the bad consequences of which quite naturally resonate with himself and his offspring. Saint Maxim the Confessor
“Life with a wife is not easy, but life without her is impossible at all.” Mark Porcius Cato the Elder
“Wife and children teach humanity; bachelors are gloomy and severe. Francis Bacon
“The spirit of obvious or secret pride and vanity possesses us, so that almost each of us thinks a lot and highly of ourselves and little and low of others ... Hence, in the family and society, instead of love, consent and mutual services, mutual intransigence, mutual hostility, envy reign. and hatred for each other, quarrels, strife, contentions. Archimandrite Kirill (Pavlov)
“A good wife in the house is like an ant, and an evil wife is like a leaky barrel.” Menander
“In family life, everyone should forget himself completely, think only about others - such an attitude of family members to each other welds the family together so that they all feel that it is impossible for each of them to live without others.
Wise by experience, the groom tries to be as strict with himself as possible, and more carefully with his new girlfriend, and if some shortcomings are noticed in the bride, then they should not be attributed to her, but to her parents, and try to cover everything with love. Seeing the love and disposition of her husband, in turn, the wife tries to repay the same and, noticing the roughness of her husband’s character, the wife, not wise by experience, covering everything with love, imperceptibly tries to correct these shortcomings, roughness and acts as a guide of the heart very skillfully, and through this mutual love relationship to each other, two beings, perhaps at first being and completely opposite to each other, approach and become close and live to the point that one heart and one spirit are formed. Righteous Alexy Mechev.
"A happy marriage is a marriage in which the husband understands every word the wife does not say." Alfred Hitchcock
Compiled by Andrey Segeda
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Complete collection and description: John peasant's prayer for a family for the spiritual life of a believer.
Archimandrite John (Krestyankin): Family life
Dear in the Lord V.!
With your illness, who can guarantee your well-being. The family itself involves the birth of children, and at the wedding they pray for this and receive God's blessing for childbearing, but the parents are supposed to be healthy.
What can I tell you? If you had written to me before marriage, I would not have advised you to get married, but now I will simply keep silent. Your cross is heavy, and nothing more. Everything is in conflict.
Marriage is a complete family with children, and in Christian families and not with one child, but as many as God wills. And infanticide - the death of children - promises hellish torments also on earth, and not only in the future.
Pray to the Mother of God Feodorovskaya and Her parents - saints righteous Joachim and Anna, and the parents of John the Baptist - the holy righteous Zechariah and Elizabeth. Pray to God and commit yourself to His holy will.
Your request for prayer for your family I fulfill. Pray for your spouse, he is obsessed with a serious illness, and wherever he lives, he is your spouse.
And if one member of our body is sick, then the whole person is sick. So are you. Let us pray that the Lord would give you strength of spirit and undoubted faith to be a spiritual support for both your husband and your children. And despondency is the enemy's pressure on you, and you need to know this, and pray, and take communion more often.
The time of Great Lent is not very suitable for solving your problem. But since it has arisen, we will pray that the determination to embark on the path chosen in life will ripen in both of you on Krasnaya Gorka.
Roses will be only at the beginning of the journey, and thorns (no family can avoid them) will appear later. But their number and soreness will depend on your wisdom, and most importantly, love. If your feelings include the apostolic definition of the concept of love, then you will not be far from happiness.
And you will take blessings from your parents.
Dear in the Lord, Fr. IN.!
So the time has come for you to give a qualitative analysis of your faith and your ministry. Who hasn't made mistakes in life? And now, both for your mother and for you, a spiritual exam has begun, which, by the way, did not arise without your own efforts. And you can’t stand it, at the first stage a comforter appeared. But how, according to God, it is necessary - there was a conflict in the family, pray, make every effort to save the family. Well, we are talking about the monastery only when the spouse creates her own family. And one cannot even think of any helper-comforter. It's a sin. Disastrous.
Dear father, this is for you the very seal that everyone is afraid of, and without the frightening three sixes. What about children! Nobody cares about them. There is no thought, but you will have to answer for them.
Dear in the Lord M.!
You can't live like that. Threesome love is a great sin. And you need to make every effort to save the family. And the most important thing in these efforts is prayer for a spouse and frequent communion. But let her make a choice, after considering everything well. You will talk to her - after all, she has no hope at all that she will create a new family. So she needs to think carefully before crossing out her entire earthly life and rushing into the maelstrom of death. Yes, and the punishment for her delusions from God will follow soon - these are modern serious illnesses. After all, when this happens, she will have no one to give water to. Show her this letter. And I will pray for both of you. Such a terrible stupefaction at such an age, well, death will come. Where will we go? After all, those torments that have now found you are already the threshold of hell. And then what? Think.
Dear in the Lord N.!
Answers your questions spiritual father. And there is no other way to get out of the impasses yet. Pray, ask God's mercy. That's just one thing I would advise you to think seriously - this is your relationship with your ex-husband.
No, my dear, there can be no sisterly relationship between husband and wife. And your proximity is not a help to him at all, but, on the contrary, an irritant that pushes him to all sorts of lawless acts.
That is why you need to solve this problem in the first place: either you legitimize your relationship with him and live as spouses should, or leave and give him the freedom to arrange his life. My dear, this is a serious problem, and you can’t think only about yourself and your desires here. Pray for mother and children. And thank God that He brought you out of the darkness of destruction. And what about the troubles of life? poverty is nothing compared to the spiritual distress you were in.
God bless you and strengthen you.
By the command of God, the first and most important blessing for the creation of a family, you must both receive from your parents. They are given sacramental knowledge about children, bordering on providence.
Therefore, your question should not be addressed to me. And the second and also important is the blessing of your confessors.
And I would only advise you to take up the Sacrament just before your graduation ceremony at the end of the seminary. And K.'s studies will be in big question. Family debt fundamentally changes a person's lifestyle. And these family responsibilities are paramount.
My memory has kept memorable date Your life is the birthday of S., and the same day promised to become a blessed day for your family, when God's blessing rested on your marital relationship, and this day became the birthday of the Christian family, crowning you with glory and honor.
I really want to congratulate you on this day, because there is no greater joy for a priest to see that the light of Christ's love and truth illuminates life.
Many, many years to you in joy, love and unanimity.
P.S. I am sending you a folded icon for this only significant day in your life. She has always been with me since her appearance, even on trips I took her with me. Well, now let it be with you - guarding, sanctifying, admonishing on all paths of life. Keep the Lord and He will keep you.
Life is art. And there is no general recipe for all occasions. One thing is certain - the vows taken must be kept. And you, bringing your spouse to the altar of the Lord and promising him before God love, fidelity and obedience, violate the duties you have taken on. After all, we must patiently wait so that the first fruits appear in the spouse religious concepts.
In the meantime, they are not, we must yield to him. When you got married, you perceived life in the same way with him, do not run too far ahead of him.
You can still take cards, because there is no question about your religion.
Learn to save your family. With love, sympathy and understanding, regain the location of your husband. God bless you!
You will have to decide the issue of marriage with your mother and confessor. Introduce both mother and father V. to S., and the Lord will give them both the knowledge whether you and S. need to start a family. And I’ll tell you one more thing: in any case, with whomever a person starts to build a family life, he will go through periods of temptation, because there is no ready-made happiness, and it depends not only on the husband, but also on the wife to the same extent.
Therefore, learn and look closely at each other. Make friends without overstepping boundaries. After all, if sin is put at the foundation of the family, then prosperity is no longer to be expected.
In the last year of the institute, it will be a high time to show determination in choosing a future path in life.
But it’s true, your eyes have run away, and your mind is in turmoil. If you were alone and were not responsible for your spouse and son, then this could somehow be understood and explained. Well, now I would like to call you to a sober perception of life and a sense of responsibility. After all, our salvation depends on the fulfillment of the will of God, and not on self-will.
You are a family man, and everything in you must be subordinated to the fulfillment of the vows of a family man. And therefore, you cannot allow any skete residence, which will finally destroy the family. And with your zeal you turned your spouse away from the Church and faith, which means that here you need to change your dispensation. God bless you!
Take care of your good relations and do not break them either with a break or with unlawful acts. Take care of each other. If sin is the basis of the future family, then nothing good can be expected. And there is no need to hurry with the wedding.
Two years is just the trial period that will make your feelings deep and tested. Be smart.
Choosing a life path and starting a family is a very serious step.
And you do not run far ahead of your spouse. When you created a family, you and A. were unanimous in your ignorance, and now you are leaving your spouse, and he is not yet able to understand for whom and why such changes in his wife.
And view C should not yet differ sharply from that to which the spouse is accustomed. Do not rush to change the external. But in the inner emphasis should be on prayer. After all, A. loves you, after all, he went to church to get married. And now your main task, S., is to save your family. It will be hard for your heart to make concessions to your spouse, but it is necessary.
The Lord sees your suffering, and He forgives us more easily and simply than even close people. God bless you!
The desire to start a family is blessed for you, but the blessing specifically for marriage with A. The first and most important thing is parental, the second must be taken from your confessors who confess you.
Remember only both, so as not to lay the sin of premature rapprochement in the foundation of creating a family, otherwise it will be difficult to build what you reach for in your desire. And also remember that happiness must also be cultivated patiently and with many labors on both sides.
Only when both of you have a deep sense of responsibility before God will a family be built.
Any treatment must be preceded by an appeal to the Doctor of souls and bodies, to the Lord, in the Sacraments of unction, confession and communion. And with the help of God, the disease will be cured. And you need to keep the family with a wise and patient attitude towards your spouse. It's just easy to say: "I'll get a divorce!"
You can say when you think and know only yourself, and if you also think about your spouse, and about your children, then you will make every effort so that the children know their father, and the husband knows his family. God bless you!
What can I tell you? Faith is building up life with much, much patience and love. And when faith becomes the cause of ruin, then there is clearly something wrong and rather self-will, when God's help recedes. You have come to faith, but your spouse has not.
And you, with extraordinary ease, at the word of a stranger, cut off your half, husband and wife are one flesh. They didn't think about him or the children.
But when you created a family, you and your spouse were like-minded. And it was necessary to work hard, bear his infirmity, begging for a loved one.
But this did not happen. And here you are alone to carry your homemade cross. And sons need a father, and they will remind you of this more than once.
I promise to pray for you. Well, I’ll get rid of the advice, the work has been started without me and it’s not for me to complete it. Wise you Lord.
I don't know what you want to hear from me in return? I can only testify that neither you nor your wife think about your future, that life is short and that ahead is eternity.
You and she had connections with others, and talk about it so calmly, without a hint of embarrassment or remorse. And I would tell you that it's time to wake up from a sinful sleep, it's time to think about yourself. If the wife does not think about restoring the family, then do not interfere with her divorce and dissolve the church marriage with the bishop. Only when you become free, it will be possible to think about creating a new family, but until you are divorced, do not ruin your life with mortal sins. According to the canons of the Holy Fathers, the one who initiates the breakup of a family must remain alone, and the one who is offended can start a family again.
Pray for your daughter, she was sent to study in a school that I would not wish on anyone. After it, it will be difficult to embark on the path of salvation, and is it even possible?
I will fulfill the request for prayer, and God grant you wisdom and patience in order to keep your family and love in it.
You do not need to become someone else, and not the one that your husband loved. You need to dress with taste, and comb your face, and everything else, because you are not a monastic.
And you should have common interests with your spouse, and do not embarrass him with your ostentatious religiosity, but observe the measure in everything and take into account the spiritual illness that has befallen him. Pray for him secretly.
In a word - keep peace and love in the family, patiently condescending to his mental weakness. Faith will come to him in response to your labors and wise behavior with him in everything. And A. learns about his own mother when he grows up, otherwise it will be difficult for you to keep your son within the framework. He, like your V., will not be able to properly survive your “religiousness”, while external. God bless and help you!
And I think that you, the whole family, and in particular, you forget little or completely to thank the Lord. We must learn to ask, to receive, and to give thanks.
Let the husband ask the help of the holy martyr Tryphon.
M. does not despair and is not in a hurry to repeat the mistake. She can create a family a second time according to the canons of the Church, but everything must be done with prayer in order to find not ephemeral happiness for a year, but for the whole life here.
And you, L., should not lose heart. Firstly, this is a sin and no small one, and secondly, the climate in your family largely depends on your condition. Therefore, remember the Lenten prayer of Ephraim the Syrian more often and do not forget to see the blessings that the Lord will give you.
It's obvious to me. And you?
You are a family man, and, therefore, you cannot solve your problem alone, but only with your spouse together. And if the votes are divided at the family council, then the voice of the spouse should be taken at the head.
After all, the family and its preservation is the main thing, because this is the fulfillment of a vow taken upon oneself.
Here is what you should be guided by. And they live now and everything is difficult, with the exception of the elite, which we do not envy.
After all, the main and fundamental thing in life is walking before God and living in God, and poverty not only does not interfere with this, but contributes to the development in us of hope only in God, and believers are not put to shame.
How many wives does your friend have? And why do you suddenly think that you will be better than them. No wonder the priest suspended your intentions for a while, because this was done to clarify the situation in your relationship.
And then the fog dissipated around, but not in your mind and feelings. Think Oh! What are the stories about love? He loved one, made another happy with a child, lulled the third with the prospect of love.
And in the end: the modern concept of love, in no way corresponding to love-feat.
The feat of the wife's life is over. And the sea of \u200b\u200blife is safely crossed by her. We pray for her and thank God for mercy to her and to your family, for neither she nor you were exhausted by the hardships of her suffering. And communion and unction before the Exodus testify to God's love for her.
We pray for you and for your children, so that the Lord would give courage to endure the bitterness of the loss of a dear and such a necessary person, and multiply strength for the upcoming life feat.
After all, you have to accommodate in your heart the maternal warmth of the departed spouse.
Thank God for everything and feel His closeness at this sad moment of your life.
I am fulfilling your request for prayer for you and your loved ones. And you pray to the Mother of God “The Tsaritsa”.
Indeed, commit yourself and your son to the will of God. We will not live two lives, but the Lord knows how and by what means to lead us to salvation. Just pray for your son. His work is nervous, and not everyone can stand it.
And also try to thank God for everything, and for sorrows too, because only sorrows also intercede for us for our salvation.
Life is short, we will endure everything, and our Savior Christ the God will save us.
You are not fit to be a wife for a priest. You have not yet comprehended what you want in life and from life. You are still playing and playing along with your whims.
And the cross of being a mother is special both in meaning and in severity. For the father, he is the only one for life. And what will it be like for him if he gets an actress instead of his mother. God bless you.
Read 1 Corinthians, ch. 13. And in the light of what you have read, examine yourself.
Only this concept of love promises a future family life for salvation.
You, knowing well your morbid condition, answer the question that you asked me yourself. Family life is a feat in all respects. You need a lot of strength: both physical, and moral, and spiritual, to be a wife, and a mother, and a mistress.
And if these forces are not there, then it is not worth thinking about marriage. Otherwise, you yourself will suffer, and your loved ones will suffer.
God bless you. Pray to the Lord to give you the strength to live in God.
Father Ioann Krestyankin on Spouses' Misunderstanding of Spiritual Experience
“If we are awake, then neither marriage, nor the upbringing of children, nor anything else that can prevent us from pleasing God” (St. John Chrysostom)
Father John (Krestyankin), in his letters to family people, constantly reminds of the need to keep vows to each other. He calls for a sober perception of life and a sense of responsibility for the family. Faith is building up life with much, much patience and love. Husband and wife are one flesh and you cannot cut off your half because one of the spouses came to faith and the other did not. “When faith becomes the cause of ruin, then there is clearly something wrong, and rather self-will, when God’s help recedes.” In one of the letters, Father John directly points out to his wife the excessive zeal with which she turned her husband away from the Church and from the faith, and forbids her to think about skete living, as it will completely destroy the family. The priest advises her to obey, first of all, the fulfillment of the vows of a family man, because our salvation depends on the fulfillment of the will of God, and not on self-will.
In another letter to a believing woman, he reproachfully writes: “And now, when the Lord enters your family through you, you, who are called to save the family, rush to ruin it. After all, a wedding is God's blessing on your children, who have already been born. You are embarrassed by the enemy. And for your husband, if he goes into fornication through your fault, you will answer before God, and you will not beg for this guilt. Work hard in your family, begging for your loved ones. You need a lot of patience in this good thing."
Life is art. And there is no general recipe for all cases.
The degree of churching for many spouses is different, and on this basis disagreements and conflicts arise. Father John (Krestyankin) in such cases advises to wait patiently, “so that the spouse also has the beginnings of religious concepts. And while they are not there, we must yield to him. Love, sympathy and understanding will return the husband's disposition and allow you to save the family.
Father John (Krestyankin) reminds his spiritual daughter of the time of the beginning of the creation of a family, of their unanimous ignorance of God with her husband: “do not run far ahead of your spouse - he is not yet able to understand for whom and why such changes in his wife.” The main task is to save the family. Batiushka also asks not to rush to change the external, but in the internal there should be an emphasis on prayer. It will be hard for the heart to make concessions to the spouse, but at one time, out of love for his wife, he went to church to get married, which was also not easy.
“When you started a family, you were both non-believers and there was no thought about God, but now you know God, and God is love in the first place,” Archimandrite John writes to a man who, through the death of his brother, knew God and the futility of worldly aspirations . “The Lord, who has already touched your soul, must enter your house through you. You (according to the Gospel) found a precious pearl, hid it and want to get rich alone, not thinking about love according to God to your loved ones.
“The wife does not want to live with you - different, strange, unknown to her. She is a worldly person, but you are not spiritual yet, but you are only soaring in spirit, climbing into heaven in dreams instead of learning to live like a Christian on earth. And Father John asks the spouse to pray and make every effort so that there is no divorce. It is necessary "to start living not as a monk in the family, but as a family man, for the time being sharing her feeble desires."
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