Parents are often satisfied that the child is busy with the computer: they don’t run around, they don’t interfere, just look, they can learn something useful. Is it so? And should I beware of computer games?
Archimandrite George (Shestun) answers this question:
“Education is nutrition, and culture is cultivation. You can only cultivate what you have sown and nurtured. Therefore, the task of parents is to sow all the time. If parents do not sow, someone else sows. If you do not sow wheat, then there will be only tares, and you will not even reap the harvest.
In childhood, something is sown all the time, including on the street and on TV. These are the seeds that will then bear fruit. A person, under the influence of what he perceives, forms an attitude towards life.
Therefore, when parents give their child into the hands of others, they must understand that he is not just watching TV, but watching a movie made by some person. This spectacle does not go unnoticed.
If the parents are really busy, then the child, of course, is not, and the child, of course, should not spend idle time, it is necessary to control his activities.
It is important to know what books he reads, why he turned on the computer. Always be vigilant. It is known that a good crop is difficult to grow, and weeds grow by themselves. And if they got there, then you will have to pull them out all your life. And re-education is a very difficult process.
It should also be remembered that children's play is creative. The child himself creates the world in which he lives. This is a children's world - angelic, chaste.
When a child sits down at a computer, a world distorted by passions created by adults opens before him. The most dangerous thing is that adults, inherent in their passions, invest in children, and often impose on them a role that is not characteristic of either age or spiritual development.
Such a game, instead of developing and preserving the child, can so distort his spiritual life, shake his psyche, that as a result we get nervous diseases and even demonic possessions.
Most computer games are characterized by cruelty and aggressiveness. Such games are one of the ways to destroy a person.
From the point of view of Orthodox anthropology, a person consists of flesh, soul and spirit, which means that a person has the right to a carnal, mental and spiritual life.
Everyone defends carnal life, takes measures so that a person is preserved as a biological being. But if moral guidelines are distorted, if the spiritual foundations of life are distorted, then a person is also destroyed. Computer games kill spiritual life in a person. As a result, one biological shell remains.”
Archimandrite George (Shestun).
Children are very similar, but the world they come to changes over time, changing the living conditions of every little person.
It's hard to believe it yourself, but I caught a time when there was no TV yet. True, when I was already in the 3rd grade, my uncle, who lived on the next street, bought this miracle of Soviet electronics. I even remember the brand - "KVN-49": a screen the size of a palm, and in front of the screen - a large glass lens filled with distilled water. The whole street went to watch the first TV shows.
Growing up, I read a lot. We didn’t always read legibly, but the school taught us the classics, and over time we began to delve into not only the plot, but also freeze before the beauty of our native language, distinguished poetry from just poetry. Since then, there has been a belief, confirmed in our time in one noticed phrase, that a person who reads books will always control those who watch TV.
In his student years, he saw the first electronic computers, or computers, which occupied several large rooms. The first cell phone appeared when I was already over 40. In those years there was no loud electronic music, and therefore we could listen to classical without damaging our hearing. There were no color TVs and monitors that destroy the perception of natural colors.
Today, a kid who has just learned to walk and is not yet able to speak is no longer surprising, but he deftly manages a tablet, where he finds cartoons or looks at photographs. Modern children are able from an early age to do things that are difficult for us even in adulthood. Or maybe we just out of habit want to do without it ... But is it really that if young people know something better or know something that we were not aware of, does this really distinguish people of different ages from each other so much? But it has always been so! There have always been older and younger, there have always been different generations.
The point may be in the word, the well-known word "generation". I remembered one funny picture: a joyful man in a hat smiled, putting his hands on the heads of two cute kids. Under the picture was the caption "For generations." The children were knee-deep in height to their adult neighbor, I don’t know who they were to him. Who is knee-deep, he is another generation.
So the root of the word appeared, the 12 tribes of Israel immediately came to mind, originating from the 12 sons of the Old Testament Patriarch Jacob. True, in other translations one can meet the concepts of “tribes” or “families”, but the concept of “tribe” has taken root in our Holy Books. 12 tribes, or tribes, on the way from Egypt to the promised land, experience the most important point V Jewish history- The Sinai revelation and begin to turn into a single people, possessing a God-given Law, according to which they became "a kingdom of priests and a holy people" (Ex. 19:6).
Time passed, and not everything went well in this people, not always the fathers managed to convey the promise of the coming of the Messiah, by faith in Whom they were justified. And now the formidable voice of the Old Testament prophet Malachi is heard, through whose mouth God speaks: “Remember the law of Moses my servant, which I commanded him at Horeb for all Israel, as well as the rules and regulations. Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and terrible day of the Lord. And he will turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the hearts of the children to their fathers, so that when I come, I will not strike the earth with a curse.”(Mal. 4:4-6).
The trouble is not rooted in family relationships, but in the loss of spiritual continuity. The Angel of the Lord almost literally repeats these words of Zechariah, the father of John the Baptist, announcing the birth of the Baptist of the Lord - the last prophet of the Old Testament and the first prophet of the New Testament: “And he will turn many of the children of Israel to the Lord their God; and will go before Him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to restore the hearts of the fathers to the children, and in the disobedient mindset of the righteous, in order to present to the Lord a people prepared.”(Luke 1:16-17).
To restore the spiritual unity of all fathers and children, who look forward to the coming of Christ, is already a worthy task for the people of the Old Testament. Not blood relationship and succession, but faith in Christ is the only basis for the spiritual unity of the people of the New Testament.
I thought about generations, but came to the most important thing: what do we - fathers and children - lack? There is a lack of spiritual unity in Christ. Our hearts are not returned to each other, we are all trying to agree and convince each other. But is Christ "modern"? The Apostle Paul exclaims: "Jesus Christ the same yesterday and today and forever"(Heb. 13:8).
“To present to the Lord a people prepared” is the goal that Divine Revelation defines for different generations. And for this it is necessary "to return the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient way of thinking of the righteous."
With age, you begin to understand that a person lives not only with his head, it is not knowledge that drives us in this world, but the heart: outbursts of feelings often break the barrier of the mind. The most valuable thing a person has is stored in the heart. The heart is tied to its wealth: “Where your treasure is,” says Christ, “there will your heart be also.”(Matthew 6:21).
Maybe it's not age that determines generations, but values and their similarities? Based on this assumption, the Americans Neil Howe and William Strauss in 1991 created a whole theory of generations. According to this theory, a generation is a group of people who were born in a certain period of time and were influenced by the same features of upbringing and events, have similar values. The time period was defined by the authors as 20 years. Each generation was named after them. My generation (born 1943-1963) got a strange name - "the generation of baby boomers." The explanation is simple: during these years there was a surge in the birth rate. Everything can be explained, but there is a folk wisdom: "Whatever you call a ship, so it will float." I look at my peers and understand that the "baby boom" is not about us.
Those born between 1963 and 1983 were called "generation X" ("unknown generation"). Those born between 1983 and 2000 are called Generation Y (Generation Network) and those who follow them are called Generation Z. I read further and understand that Americans are great inventors. They almost always forget about the heart of a person, his inner world and much attention is paid to external, often man-made, circumstances, explaining everything by objective reasons. Our imitators of these theories are doing everything to destroy families, to deprive children of a systematic education. Strange stereotypes of behavior will be imposed on them, toys will be replaced with monsters, heroes with idols, goals and means will be reversed, and then they will say that these are objective processes and therefore young people are completely different now.
It will be possible to return the hearts of fathers to children only if the values of all generations are the same. Is that possible? Perhaps, but this requires reasonable, pious parents and a state that cares about the piety of the people.
It is believed that the values that determine the entire subsequent life of a person are formed before the age of 14. I think that it is practically impossible to form them from the outside, but it is possible to create the conditions for the necessary ones to be imprinted in the heart. In childhood, and not only in childhood, impressions are more important than knowledge.
They brought a newborn person home, he lies and absorbs all the sounds that he hears. But what are they? Previously, the prayer "Our Father" was absorbed by the child with mother's milk. What is he absorbing now? The baby lies and looks at everything that is around him and what is happening. Then he starts walking and talking, listening to books, watching cartoons and playing with toys. And by the age of three, oh, how much was imprinted in his heart. Where did the Russian fairy tales disappear, teaching how to distinguish good from evil? Where are our good cartoons, where are our Russian heroes and naked toys? Where are the good parents?
I remember such a story. A pious married couple turned to one priest from our parish with a request to bless the house. They explained their request by the fact that their child does not sleep well at night and screams. Along the way, they said that the Orthodox people themselves help the churches. On the threshold of the house, the priest was met by a boy who took him by the hand and said: “Come, I will show you my guests from hell!” In the children's room on the table were characters of the most vile kind. “Come better with me,” the priest suggested, “you will hold a cup of holy water.”
Fishing with my father, spending the night by the fire, dawn over the river, the beauty of nature, mother's loving eyes, Divine Liturgy, the light of a candle and the fragrance of incense, the first love - all this and much more is imprinted in the heart for life.
You can justify yourself with a TV, computer, Internet, but they are not the problem. We know what to do with small children: they need to be fed, dressed, played with. But what to do with growing children, we imagine badly and continue only to feed and clothe, and everything else - what they do and how the Internet and television educates them - we don’t know: no matter what the child amuses, if only she doesn’t cry.
Children need to be talked to. Do not teach, do not scold, but talk, opening your heart to them. And then our father's heart will return to our children, and they will reveal to us their secret wealth stored in their hearts. We are not different generations, we are people of the same time. We are a family, a big family whose name is the Russian people.
As A.P. Chekhov: "A real man consists of a husband and a rank." We can say that a man is a man's rank. A rank is a special place in heavenly hierarchy. And in this heavenly hierarchy, a man represents his family, his family. Therefore, he occupies a special, leading position in the family hierarchy. In his family, a man can only be the head - this is how the Lord established.
But if for a woman to live the life of a family - her husband, children - is the calling of God, then for a man family life cannot be the main thing. For him, the most important thing in life is the fulfillment of God's will on earth. This means that for a man - the father of the family and the representative for the family before God - in the first place is not the family, but the fulfillment of his duty. And this duty for each man can be completely different, it depends on the Divine calling.
The main thing for the family is a continuous connection with God. It is carried out through the head of the family: through the work that the Lord entrusts to him, through the participation of the whole family in this work. To the extent that the family participates in this divine calling, to the extent that it participates in the fulfillment of God's will. But it is extremely difficult to understand and fulfill God's will outside the Church, and in its entirety it is completely impossible. In the Church man meets God. Therefore, outside the Church, a man is constantly in a state of some kind of search. He often suffers not even from the fact that things are wrong or financially difficult in the family, but because he does not like his occupation, that is, this is not the main thing for which he is called in this world. In church life, a person, led by God, comes to the main cause for which he was called to this earth. outside the church, outside Divine life, outside the Divine calling, this dissatisfaction is always felt, a man necessarily suffers, his soul is “out of place”. Therefore, that family is happy, the head of which has found the work of his life. Then he feels complete - he has found that pearl, that wealth that he was looking for.
This is why men are tormented: not knowing God or breaking away from Him, having lost the meaning, the purpose of life, they cannot find their place in the world in any way. This state of mind is very difficult, painful, and one cannot reproach or reproach such a person. We must seek God. And when a person finds God, then he also finds the calling for which he came into this world. It can be quite a simple thing to do. For example, one man, having received an education, having worked in high positions, suddenly realized that his favorite thing was to cover roofs, especially church ones. And he left previous job and began to cover the roofs, to participate in the restoration of temples. He found meaning, and with it peace of mind and joy of life. So often a person has been doing something for many years, and then at once gives up everything for the sake of a new life. This is especially noticeable in the Church: people lived in the world for many years, studied somewhere, worked, and then the Lord calls them to become priests, monks. The main thing is to hear this Divine call, to respond. Then the family also acquires the fullness of being.
What happens if the relatives do not support the choice of the head of the family? Then it will be much more difficult for him to fulfill God's will. On the other hand, the family will also be tormented by the fact that it refuses its destiny. And no matter what outward well-being may accompany the life of such a family, it will be unsettled and joyless in this world.
IN Holy Scripture The Lord clearly says that he who loves his father, or mother, or his children more than Christ, is not worthy of Him. A real man, husband and father, the head of the family must love God, his duty, his calling more than anything or anyone. He must rise above family life, even be free from the family in this sense, remaining with her. A person is a person who is able to transcend his nature. The family is the material, mental and physical side of life. For a man, she is the nature that he must transcend, constantly striving to the spiritual level and raising his family along with him. And no one should turn it off this path.
Traditionally, the father of an Orthodox family has always played the role of a kind of priestly ministry in it. He communicated with the confessor and with him solved the spiritual issues of the family. Often, when a wife came to a priest for advice, she heard: “Go, your husband will explain everything to you,” or: “Do as your husband advises.” And now we have the same tradition: if a woman comes and asks what she should do, I always wonder what her husband's opinion is about this. Usually the wife says: “But I don’t know, I didn’t ask him ...”. - "Here, go first ask your husband, and only then, in accordance with his opinion, we will argue, decide." Because the Lord instructs the husband to lead the family through life, and He admonishes him. All issues of family life can and should be decided by the head. This applies not only to believers - the principle of family hierarchy established by God is valid for everyone. Therefore, an unbelieving husband is able to wisely solve ordinary family, everyday problems, in some deep spiritual or other difficult questions wife can consult with the confessor. But a wife must love and honor her husband, regardless of his faith.
Life is arranged in such a way that both believers and non-believers alike suffer in violation of Divine institutions. Just believers can understand why this happens. church life gives understanding to what happens to us, these joyful and mournful moments. A person already perceives everything not as an accident “lucky - unlucky”: illness, some kind of misfortune or, conversely, recovery, well-being, etc. He already understands the meaning and cause of life's difficulties and God's help can overcome them. The Church reveals depth and meaning human life, family life.
Hierarchy is the stronghold of love. The Lord arranged the world in such a way that it would be strengthened by love. Grace, coming from God into the world through the heavenly and earthly hierarchy of relationships, is retained and transmitted by love. A person always wants to go where there is love, where there is grace, where there is rest and peace. And when the hierarchy is destroyed, then he falls out of this flow of grace and is left alone with the world, which "lies in evil." Where there is no love, there is no life.
When the family hierarchy is destroyed, everyone suffers. If the husband is not the head of the family, then he can start drinking, walking, running away from home. But the wife suffers in exactly the same way, only it manifests itself in a different way, more emotionally: she begins to cry, get annoyed, scandalize. Often she does not understand what exactly she wants to achieve. And she wants to be led, she was prompted to be supported, removed from her the burden of responsibility. It is very difficult for a woman to command, she does not have enough strength, capabilities and skills. She is not adapted for this and cannot constantly do her own thing. Therefore, she waits for the masculine principle to awaken in her husband. A wife needs a husband-intercessor. She needs him to kiss her, console her, press her to her chest: "Don't worry, because I'm with you." It is very difficult for a woman without a firm male hand, a strong shoulder, without this protection. This reliability in the family is much more needed than money.
A man must be able to love, must be noble, generous. There is one interesting couple in our parish: the husband is a worker, and the wife is an educated woman with a position. He is a simple man, but a master of his craft, he works very well and provides for his family. And, as in any family, it happens that the wife begins to grumble at him like a woman - she is not happy with that, she does not like it. He grumbles, grumbles, grumbles ... And he will look at her affectionately: “What is the matter with you, my dear? Why are you so worried, nervous? Maybe you got sick? He will press him to himself: “Why are you so upset, my good one? Save yourself. Everything is fine, everything is thank God.” So, in a paternal way, caress her. He never enters into these women's quarrels, disputes and proceedings. So nobly, like a man, he comforts her, reassures her. And she can't argue with him. Such a noble attitude to life, to women, to the family should be in a man.
A man needs to be laconic. Don't try to answer everything. women's issues. Women are very fond of asking them: where were you, what did you do, with whom? A man should devote his wife only to what he sees fit. Of course, not everything needs to be told at home, remembering that women have a completely different mental disposition. What a husband experiences at work or in relationships with others hurts his wife so much that she will be terribly nervous, angry, offended, give her advice, and another may even intervene. It will only add a lot more problems, you will be even more upset. Therefore, not all experiences need to be shared. A man more often needs to take on these difficulties of life, to endure them in himself.
The Lord placed the man hierarchically higher, and in the male nature lies the resistance of the female power over himself. A husband, even if he knows that his wife is a thousand times right, will still resist and stand his ground. And wise women understand that they must yield. And wise men know that if a wife gives good advice, then one must not immediately follow it, but after a while, so that the wife firmly understands that there will be no “according to her” in the family. The trouble is, if a woman is in charge, her husband becomes uninteresting to her. Very often in such a situation, the wife of her husband leaves, because she cannot respect him: “He is a rag, not a man.” Happy is the family where a woman cannot defeat her husband. Therefore, when a wife tries to take over in the family and command everyone, then only one thing can save this woman - if the man continues to live his life, go about his business. In this regard, he must have unbending firmness. And if the wife cannot defeat him, then the family will survive.
A woman needs to remember that there are things that she should never allow herself at all, under any circumstances. You can not insult, humiliate your husband, laugh at him, flaunt and discuss your family relationships with others. Because the wounds that are inflicted will never heal. Maybe they will continue to live together, but without love. Love will simply disappear forever.
The purpose of a man in the family is fatherhood. This fatherhood extends not only to his children, but also to his wife. The head of the family is responsible for them, is obliged to keep them, to try to live in such a way that they do not need anything. Men's life should be sacrificial - in work, in service, in prayer. A father should be an example in everything. And this does not depend on his education, ranks and positions. The very attitude of a man to his work is important: it must be sublime. Therefore, a man who devotes himself entirely to making money will not become a good family man. In a family with a lot of money, it may be convenient to live, but such a man cannot be an example for children and an authority for his wife.
The family is brought up, the children grow up on the example of how the father fulfills his ministry. Not only does he work, he earns money, but he does service. Therefore, even a long absence of a father can play a great educational role. For example, military personnel, diplomats, sailors, polar explorers can be away from their loved ones for many months, but their children will know that they have a father - a hero and a hard worker who is engaged in such an important business - serving the Motherland.
These are, of course, vivid examples, but the fulfillment of one's duty should be in the first place in general for every man. And this saves the family even from poverty and poverty of life. We know from Holy Scripture that when a man was expelled from paradise after the fall, the Lord said that the man would earn his daily bread by the sweat of his brow. This means that even if a person begins to work very hard, as is often the case now, at two or three jobs, he can only earn his living. But the Gospel says: “Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and everything else will be added” (see Matt. 6:33). That is, a person can only earn a piece of bread for himself, but if he fulfills the will of God, acquires the Kingdom of God, then the Lord gives prosperity to him and his whole family.
A Russian person has a peculiarity: he can only participate in great deeds. It is unusual for him to simply work for money. And if, sometimes, he does this, then almost always he is sad and bored. He is bleak because he cannot realize himself - a man should not just work, but feel his contribution to some important matter. Here, for example, is the development of aviation: a person can be the chief designer of a design bureau, or maybe an ordinary factory turner - it does not matter. Participation in such a great cause will equally inspire these people. That is why at the present time, when great tasks are almost not set either in science, or in culture, or in production, the role of a man immediately became impoverished. A certain despondency is observed among men, because just getting money for Orthodox person, for a Russian person - the task is too simple and does not meet the high demands of the soul. It is the elevation of service that matters.
Men are ready to give their labor, their time, strength, health, and, if necessary, their lives to the service, to fulfill their duty. So, despite the unpatriotic and mercenary attitudes of the last few decades, our people are still ready, at the first call of the Motherland, to stand up for her defense. Now we see this when our guys, officers and soldiers, are fighting, shedding blood for their compatriots. It is very natural for a normal man to be ready to give his life for the Fatherland, for his people, for his family.
Many wives do not understand and are offended when men pay more attention to their business than to their family. This is especially pronounced in people of science and creative professions: scientists, writers, artists. Or those who are closely connected with nature, for example, those engaged in agriculture, who sometimes have to literally work on the land or farm for days, so as not to miss the right time. And this is right if a man does not belong to himself, but gives himself entirely to the business he is engaged in. And when he fulfills God's will not for the sake of self-interest, not for the sake of money, then this life of his is very graceful and exciting.
We must understand that when we stand before the Face of God, our “I want or don’t want” disappears. After all, the Lord does not look at what you want or do not want, but at what you can or cannot. Therefore, he entrusts you with affairs in accordance with your calling, with your abilities and aspirations. And we need to desire not “our own desire”, but what God has entrusted to us, to desire “to fulfill all that is commanded” (see Luke 17:10). Each person and each family, as a conciliar whole, as a small Church, must "do what is commanded." And this "commanded" is personalized in the case of the head of the family - the husband and father.
It is important for a man to understand that a missed opportunity is an opportunity missed forever. And if today the Lord moves you to do something, then it is today that you need to do it. “Don’t put off until tomorrow what you can do today,” says the proverb. Therefore, a man should be easy-going - get up, go and do what he must. And if you postpone it until tomorrow, then tomorrow the Lord may not give this opportunity, and then you will achieve the same for a very long time and with great difficulty, if you achieve it at all. One must not be lazy, but be industrious and quick, seize this moment of God's calling. It is very important.
A man who is passionate about his work must be supported in every possible way. Even when he spends it all free time, you do not need to distract him, but you need to be patient. On the contrary, it is good for the whole family to try to participate in this activity. It's very interesting indeed. For example, a turner father, who was passionate about his work, brought turning tools home, and children from birth played with them instead of toys. He took his sons with him to work, talked about the machines, explained everything, showed them, let them try it for themselves. And all his three sons went to study as turners. In such conditions, instead of idle pastime, children have an interest in participating in a serious matter.
The father must, to the extent necessary, leave his life open to the family so that the children can delve into it, feel it, and participate. No wonder there have always been labor, creative dynasties. Passion for his work is passed from the father to the children, who happily follow in his footsteps. Let sometimes they do it out of inertia, but when they master their father's profession, even if the Lord later calls them to another task, all this will benefit them and be useful in life. Therefore, the father should not grumble and complain about his work: here, they say, how hard and boring it is, otherwise the children will think: “Why do we need this?”
The life of a man should be worthy - open, honest, chaste, labor, so that it would not be a shame to show it to children. It is necessary that the wife and children should not be embarrassed by his work, his friends, his behavior, his actions. Surprisingly, when you ask high school students now, many of them do not really know what their fathers and mothers work for. Previously, children knew very well the life of their parents, their activities, hobbies. They were often taken with them to work, and at home they constantly discussed business. Now children may not know anything about their parents and may not even be interested. Sometimes there are objective reasons for this: when parents are engaged in earning money, then the methods are not always pious. It also happens that they are ashamed of their profession, realizing that this occupation is not quite worthy of them - their abilities, education, vocation. It even happens that for the sake of income they sacrifice their dignity, personal life, environment. In such cases, in front of children, they don’t say anything, they don’t tell.
A man must understand that life is changeable, and in difficult circumstances you should not sit back, suffering and groaning, but you need to get down to business, even if it is small. There are many people who are unemployed because they want to get a lot at once, they consider low wages unworthy for themselves. And as a result, not a penny is brought to the family. Even in the difficult times of “perestroika”, people who were ready to do something did not disappear. One colonel, having fallen under the reduction, was left without work. From Siberia, where he served, he had to return to his native city. Asked friends to help get any job, anywhere. I managed to get into the security service of one organization: for a small fee, the colonel was assigned to guard the gates of some base. And he humbly stood up and opened the gate. But a colonel is a colonel, you can immediately see him - the authorities quickly noticed him. Appointed to a higher position - he showed himself very well there. Then even higher, then even more ... And after a short time he got both an excellent place and a good salary. But it has to be humble. We must start small, show ourselves and show what we are capable of. In difficult times, one should not be proud, not dream, but think about how to feed the family, and do everything possible for this. In any circumstances, the responsibility for the family, for the children, remains with the man. Therefore, during the “perestroika” period, many highly qualified and unique specialists agreed to take any job for the sake of their families. But times are changing, and those who have retained their dignity and diligence, in the end, are in great demand. Now there is a great demand for various masters of their craft, there are many jobs for them. We are ready to pay a lot of money to specialists, craftsmen, craftsmen, but there are none. The biggest shortage is in blue-collar jobs.
One worker was asked what happiness is. And he answered, like an ancient sage: “It is happiness for me when in the morning I want to go to work, and in the evening I want to go home from work.” This is actually happiness when a person happily goes to do what he has to do, and then happily returns home, where he is loved and expected.
To fulfill all this, you need to love ... Here we can say that there is a law, but there is love. It's like in the Holy Scripture - there is Old Testament and there is the New Testament. There is a law that regulates the behavior of people in society, in the family. For example, everyone knows who in the family should do what. The husband should provide for the family and take care of it, be an example for children. A wife should honor her husband, run the household, keep the house in order, raise children in honor of God and parents. Children must obey their parents. Everyone should, should, should ... The answer to the question, should the husband do housework, is unambiguous - he should not. This is the answer according to the law, this is the Old Testament. But if we turn to the New Testament, which added the commandment of love to all laws, then we will answer in a slightly different way: he should not do this, but maybe if he loves his family, his wife, and there is a need for such help from him. The transition in the family from "must" to "can" is the transition from the Old to the New Testament. A man, of course, should not wash dishes, wash, babysit children, but if the wife does not have time, if it is difficult for her, if she is unbearable, then he can do it out of love for her. So is another question: should a wife support a family? Should not. But maybe if she loves her husband, and due to circumstances, he can’t do it to the fullest. For example, there are times when men with unique professions, highly qualified specialists are left without work: factories are closed, scientific and industrial projects are curtailed. Men take a long time to adjust to such a life, and women usually rebuild faster. And a woman does not have to, but she can support a family, if circumstances so develop.
That is, if there is love in the family, then the question “should - must not” itself disappears. And if conversations begin that “you have to earn money” - “and you have to cook cabbage soup for me”, “you have to come home from work on time” - “and you have to look after the children better”, etc., then this means - no love. If they switch to the language of law, the language of legal relations, then love has evaporated somewhere. When there is love, everyone knows that in addition to duty there is also sacrifice. It is very important. Therefore, no one can force a man to do household chores, only he himself. And no one can force a woman to support a family, only she herself can decide on this. We need to be very attentive to what is happening in the family, with love "carrying each other's burdens." But at the same time, no one should be proud, exalted and violate the family hierarchy.
The wife should, like a thread after a needle, follow her husband. There are many professions when a person is simply sent by order from one place to another. For example, the military. It happens that the family of an officer lives in a city, in an apartment, and suddenly they are sent to some remote place, to a military camp, where there is nothing but a hostel. And the wife should go after her husband and not grumble, not be capricious, they say, I will not go to this wilderness, but will live with my mother. If she does not go, then her husband will be very bad. He will become worried, upset, and, consequently, it will be very difficult for him to carry out the service properly. Colleagues can laugh at him: “What kind of wife do you have!” This is like a prime example. The same can be said about the clergy. A graduate of a seminary, for example, from the city can be sent to some distant parish, where they will have to live in a hut and, because of the poverty of the parishioners, live “from bread to kvass.” And the priest's young wife must go with him. If not, and the woman insists on her own, then this is the beginning of the destruction of the family. She must understand: once I get married, now the interests of my husband, his service, helping him is the main thing in life for me. A man needs to choose a bride for himself, who will follow him into fire and into water. If you look at strong families, then there are just such wives. They understand that in order to become a general's wife, one must first marry a lieutenant and travel with him for half a lifetime through all the garrisons. To become the wife of a scientist or artist, you need to marry a poor student, who only after many years will become famous and prosperous. Or maybe it won't...
The bride should be looked for who is close in spirit, her circle, so that ideas about life, living standards, habits are similar. It is necessary that the husband does not have to be ashamed of his wife among friends and colleagues. The big difference in education, in the financial situation greatly affects later. If a man married a rich bride, then her family is likely to look at him as a freeloader. Of course, they will try to promote him in his career, give him the opportunity to grow, but they will always demand gratitude for the fact that he was “raised”. And if the wife is better educated than the husband, this will also eventually create difficulties. It is necessary to have such a masculine, very noble character, as, for example, the hero of the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears”, so that the higher official position of the wife does not adversely affect family relations.
For a man's life to take place, his wife should not interfere with him doing his job. Therefore, the wife must be chosen precisely as an assistant. It is good to find a bride at home, such that she could not live without you. The trouble is if she manages calmly without you and she is better with her mother than with you. Here you need to know some features. For example, if the bride's parents are divorced and her mother raised her alone, then very often in case of any, even the smallest conflict in the daughter's family, she will say: “Drop him! Why is he like this? I raised you alone, and we will raise your children ourselves.” This is an example of a bad, but, unfortunately, typical situation. And if you take a bride - a girl who was raised by a single mother, then there is a big risk that she can calmly and quickly leave you on her advice. Therefore, it is important that the bride was from a good, strong family. Usually children copy the behavior of their parents, so you need to see how her family lives. Although young people always say that they will live in a completely different way, for them the life of their parents is an example, good or bad. See how your bride's mother treats her husband - your bride will treat you the same way. Of course, now there are a lot of divorced families and it is not easy to find a bride from a strong family, but you just need to know in advance the difficulties that will arise in order to be ready and respond correctly. And in such cases, parents still need to be respected, but you can never listen to their advice like “leave your husband, live without him, but if you want, you will find better” is never possible. Family is an inseparable concept.
A woman should be helped in the professional growth of her husband - this should be the growth of the whole family. But you can not promote him in the direction to which he does not have a soul or no abilities. If you want him to become a leader, think: does he need it? And why do you need it? Simple life is often calmer and happier. The hierarchy that we talk about all the time implies different levels: everyone cannot live the same way, they should not be the same. Therefore, do not try to imitate anyone. We must live as the Lord blessed, and remember that for the well-being of the family, not so much is needed. With God's help, any man and any woman can earn this minimum. But there are some claims for more, and they do not give people peace of mind: they must, they say, take a position no lower than this one, and live no worse than those ... And now they have got many loans, got into debt, went to hard labor doomed themselves instead of living calmly and freely.
It must be understood that the work to which a person is called does not necessarily allow him to live richly. A young family in its initial period must learn to live modestly. In a cramped apartment, with mom and dad, or in a rented apartment, endure this tightness and poverty for a while. We must learn to live within our means, without demanding anything from anyone and without reproaching anyone. Envy always interferes with this: “Others live like this, but we don’t live like that!” The last thing is when the family begins to reproach a man that he earns little if he tries, works, does everything he can. And if he doesn’t try ... So, he was like that before the wedding. Most women get married for some strange reason. Here a kind of "eagle" turned up - prominent, nimble. And what he knows, what he does, how he lives, how he treats his family, treats children, what he thinks about it, whether he is hardworking, caring, whether he drinks - this is not of interest. But once you get married - endure everything and love your husband the way he is.
It is also important to say that if young people, boys and girls, lose their chastity before marriage and begin to lead a prodigal life, then from that moment the spiritual formation of their personality stops, spiritual growth stops. The line of development that was given to them from birth is immediately interrupted. And outwardly, it also immediately becomes noticeable. For girls, if they fornicated before marriage, the character changes in a bad way: they become capricious, scandalous, obstinate. Young men, as a result of an unchaste life, are severely inhibited or even completely stopped in their development: spiritual, mental, social, and even mental. Therefore, now it is not uncommon to meet adult men with development at the level of 15-18 years - the age when their chastity was destroyed. They behave like foolish youths: they do not have a developed sense of responsibility, no will, no wisdom. Destroyed "integrity of wisdom", "integrity of personality". This has irreversible consequences for the rest of a person's life. Those abilities and talents that he had from birth not only do not receive development, but are often completely lost. Therefore, of course, chastity must be kept not only for girls, but also for young men. Only by maintaining purity before marriage can a man actually achieve in life what he is called to. He will have the necessary funds for this. He will retain his freedom - both spiritually, and creatively, and materially. Having retained his natural talents, he gets the opportunity to develop, to achieve the fullness of his personality. He can master any business that he likes.
A man loses all respect if he humiliates himself with a dishonorable attitude towards a woman. Irresponsible relationships, abandoned children are incompatible with the dignity of a man, with the height that the Lord has placed him in the world, in human society, in the family. For the sake of this high dignity of a spouse, his wife - his chosen one, and children - his heirs should be respected. And the husband is obliged to respect and appreciate his wife. Because of his falls, she should not be reproached, despised, she should not be ashamed of her husband's life.
Names a man very well and accurately Ukrainian language- "cholovik". A man is a man, and a man must always remain such, and not turn into an animal. And a man can fulfill his duty, his duties, be a husband and father only when he remains a man. After all, of the ten commandments given by God to Moses, the first five are about human life (about love for God, about honoring parents), and the remaining five are those that violate which a person turns into an animal. Do not kill, do not commit adultery, do not steal, do not deceive, do not envy - at least do not do this, so as not to become "senseless cattle"! If you have lost your human dignity, you are not a man.
Now often you can not distinguish a man from a woman either in behavior, or in manners, or in appearance. And it is very pleasant when even from afar you can see that a man is walking - courageous, strong, collected. Women dream not just about a husband or a friend, but about a man who will be a real person. Therefore, the fulfillment of the commandments of God for a husband is a direct way to preserve human dignity in himself and remain a real man. Only a real man can give his life for his family, for the Fatherland. Only a real man can treat his wife nobly. Only a real man can set an example of a decent life for his children.
This is the responsibility: to answer to one's conscience, to God, to one's people, to the Motherland. We will be responsible for our family and children. After all, the true wealth of children does not lie in material accumulations, but in what the father and mother invest in their souls. This is the responsibility for maintaining purity, chastity. The main thing is the responsibility for the soul of the child: what God gave - return to God.
The demographic problem of our time rests on the irresponsibility of men. Their insecurity gives women fear of the future. Due to the lack of masculinity in the family, women experience uncertainty about the future, doubts about the ability to raise and raise children: “What if he leaves, leaves one with children ... What if he doesn’t feed us.” Why did almost all families in Russia used to be large, with many children? Because there was a firm idea of the indissolubility of marriage. Because the head of the family was a real man - a breadwinner, a protector, a prayer book. Because everyone was happy about the birth of children, because this is God's blessing, the multiplication of love, the strengthening of the family, the continuation of life. It never occurred to a man to leave his wife with children: this is a shameful sin, shame and dishonor! And it never occurred to a woman to have an abortion. The wife was sure that her husband would not betray him to death, would not leave, would not leave, that at least he would earn a living, and she was not afraid for the children. Mothers are usually more responsible towards their children, which is why they are afraid of everything. And this fear comes from male spirit disappears from the family. But as soon as this masculine spirit is strengthened and the woman is sure that her husband will not run away, she is gladly ready to have many children. And only then the family becomes complete. We see this in church parishes, where three or four children in families is already the norm. This is just an example of the fact that the Orthodox concept of the indissolubility of marriage and responsibility before God gives a sense of reliability, confidence in the future.
When discussing family problems, they almost always talk only about mothers, as if they are the only ones responsible for the family and children. And in any disputable family situation, the law is almost always on the side of the woman. The revival of fatherhood is something important that is needed today. Fathers must understand their responsibility, that special spirit, the bearers of which they must be. Then the woman will again become a woman, she will no longer need to rely only on her own strength. Not relying on her husband, she holds on to work, endlessly studies, so as not to lose her qualifications, and many other things that tear her away from her family, from her children. Because of this, children are poorly educated, study worse, and have poorer health. In general, the approach of absolute gender equality causes a lot of problems both in upbringing and in education. In particular, boys are brought up and trained in the same way as girls, and girls as boys. That is why even in families they cannot figure out who is more important, who is stronger, who is more responsible, they find out who owes what to whom.
Therefore, one of the main tasks today is to revive the male spirit, the spirit of fatherhood. But for this to happen, the spirit of the entire state is important. When it is built on the liberal principles of universal equality, the dictates of all kinds of minorities, feminism, and almost unlimited freedom in behavior, this also penetrates the family. Now we are even talking about the introduction of juvenile justice, which completely undermines the authority of parents, deprives them of the opportunity to raise their own children on traditional principles. This is simply the destruction of the entire Divine hierarchical structure of the world.
The Russian state has always been arranged according to the family principle: the “father” was at the head. Ideally, this, of course, is an Orthodox tsar. They called him the "Tsar-father" - so he was revered and obeyed. The state structure was an example of the dispensation of the family. The tsar had his own family, his children, but the whole people, all of Russia, which he kept and for which he was responsible before God, was also his family. He set an example of service to God, an example family relations, education of children. He showed how to preserve the native country, its territory, its spiritual and material wealth, its shrines, and faith. Now that there is no tsar, even if there is a strong president, we are glad that there is a person who thinks about Russia, about the people, cares about us. If there is no strong power in the state, there is no “father” at the head, then, therefore, there will be no him in families either. A family cannot be built on liberal democratic principles. Autocracy, fatherhood - the main principle of building a family. Therefore, we can restore the family by recreating such political system, which will give rise to paternity, nepotism and show how to keep a large family - the Russian people, Russia. Then we in our families, looking at the example of state power, will stand up for the protection of the main values. And now this process is happening, thank God.
For example different countries one can easily see how the type of government affects the life of the people. The example of Muslim countries unequivocally shows us: even if it is specific, they have paternity, there is reverence for the head of the family, and as a result, strong families, high birth rates, and successful economic development. Europe, on the other hand, is the opposite: the institution of the family is being abolished, the birth rate has fallen, entire regions are being populated by emigrants of a completely different culture, faith, and tradition. In order to preserve the institution of the family, and ultimately the state itself, we need strong state power, better - unity of command. We need a "father" - the father of the nation, the father of the state. Ideally, this should be a person appointed by God. Then, in the family, the father will be perceived, as it was traditionally, by a man appointed by God.
All spheres of human existence are closely connected and intertwined. Therefore, if the structure of the country's life, starting with the head of state and onwards, is created according to the law of the Divine dispensation, according to the law of the heavenly hierarchy, then Divine grace enlivens, gives life to all spheres of the people's existence. Any business then turns into participation in the Divine dispensation of the world, into a kind of service - to the Fatherland, God, one's people, all mankind. Any smallest cell of society, which is a family, like a cell of a living organism, is given life by Divine grace sent to all the people.
The family, being a "cell" of the state, is built according to the same laws - like consists of like. If everything in society is not arranged in this way, if the state power acts according to laws that are completely alien to tradition, then, naturally, the family, as, for example, in Europe, is abolished, it takes on forms that are not even just sinful, but pathological - homosexual "marriages", adoption of children into such “families”, etc. Even a normal person in such conditions is difficult to keep from corruption. But all this comes from the state. The state begins to be built from the family, but the family must also be built by the state. Therefore, all aspirations to strengthen the family must translate into a revival of the spirit.
Ordinary people need to preserve, in spite of everything, the traditional forms of family organization established by God. This is how we will eventually restore the hierarchical order in the state. Let us restore our people's life as communal life, as conciliar life, as family life. The people are a single, conciliar, God given family. Preserving Orthodoxy, spiritual traditions, culture, Orthodox family, raising children in the Orthodox way, building our lives according to Divine laws, we will thereby revive Russia
The expression "family is a small Church" we meet on the pages of Holy Scripture. Even the Apostle Paul in his epistles mentions especially close to him Christian spouses Akila and Priscila and welcomes them "and their home Church" (Rom. 16, 4). When talking about the Church, we almost always use words and concepts related to family life: we call a priest “father”, “father”, we consider ourselves the “spiritual children” of our confessor. What is it that unites the concepts of the Church and the family so much?
The Church is a union, a unity of people in God. The Church affirms by her very existence: God is with us! According to the Evangelist Matthew, Jesus Christ said: "... where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them" (Matt. 18:20). Bishops and priests are not representatives of God, not His substitutes, but witnesses God's participation in our life. And it is important to understand the Christian family as a "small Church", that is, the unity of several people who love each other, held together by a living faith in God. The responsibility of parents is in many respects similar to the responsibility of the church clergy: parents are also called to become, first of all, “witnesses”, that is, examples of Christian life and faith. It is impossible to talk about the Christian upbringing of children in a family if life is not realized in it. small church».
A family, even in the most difficult times, is a “small Church” if there remains in it at least a spark of striving for goodness, for truth, for peace and love, in other words, for God; if it has at least one witness of the faith, its confessor. There have been cases in the history of the Church when only a single saint defended the truth of Christian teaching. And in family life there are periods when only one person remains a witness and confessor Christian faith, Christian attitude to life.
We cannot force our children into some sort of heroic conflict with the environment. We are called to understand their difficulties that they face in life, we must sympathize with them when, out of necessity, they remain silent, hide their beliefs in order to avoid conflict. But at the same time, we are called upon to develop in children an understanding of the main thing that needs to be kept and what to believe in. It is important to help the child understand: it is not necessary to talk about kindness - you have to be kind! You can not show the cross or icon, but you can not laugh at them! It is possible not to talk about Christ in school, but it is important to try to learn as much as possible about him and try to live according to Christ's commandments.
The Church knew periods of persecution, when it was necessary to hide the faith, and sometimes suffer for it. These periods were the times of the greatest growth of the Church. May this thought help us in our efforts to build our family, the small Church [Kulomz.–Nasha Ts., p. 104−107].
Considering the family as a "home church", as living cells of the body of the Church, one can understand the nature of the national identity of the Church. "Home Church" by its very nature embodies religious values and beliefs in everyday life, behavior, holidays, feasts and other traditional customs. The family is more than father, mother and children. The family is the heir to the moral and spiritual customs and values created by grandfathers, great-grandfathers and ancestors. We are constantly reminded of this by the stories of the Bible about Old Testament patriarchs. It is very difficult, and, perhaps, impossible to create a genuine Christian way of life, neglecting traditions. The family is called upon not only to perceive, support, but also to pass on from generation to generation the spiritual and religious, national and domestic tradition. From family tradition and thanks to it on the basis of special reverence ancestors and paternal graves, the family hearth and national customs, a culture of national feeling and patriotic loyalty was created. The family is the first thing for the child native place on earth - a source not only of warmth and nourishment, but also of conscious love and spiritual understanding. The very idea of “motherland” – the bosom of my birth, and “fatherland”, the earthly nest of my fathers and ancestors, arose from the depths of the family [Ilyin-Sobr. soch.v.3, p. 152].
In modern pedagogy, the problem of sexual education is declared as one of the main ones. In traditional Russian pedagogy, this problem was viewed as a chaste relationship between a man and a woman, a boy and a girl. The current transformation of the concept of sexual relations can only be explained by a change in the view of the family.
We have already said that from the point of view of Orthodoxy, the family is a “small Church”. Family relationships are primarily spiritual relationships. The upbringing of boys and girls was based on the understanding that sexual relations are possible only within the family and must be sanctified by a blessed union in the sacrament of marriage. Boys and girls were accustomed to modesty by the whole way of life of the family (the intimate was not spoken aloud). Virginity and chastity were kept as a shrine, as the basis of spiritual peace and future family well-being.
The first post-revolutionary years brought with them a desire for open relationships. But the gradual realization that the family is the basis of society turned the state policy in the field of education and social life towards strengthening the family. However, the spiritual basis of family relations gradually disappeared with the closing of churches and the impact of atheistic ideology. It was possible to strengthen the family, to build relations between the sexes only on a psychological basis, which was expressed in the introduction of the course "Psychology of family relations" in secondary schools. Within its framework, there was no talk about sexual education, students were prepared for family life at the psychological level, that is, it was mainly about reducing interpersonal conflicts. Sexual relations were still recognized as possible only within the family.
The loss of the spiritual basis of the family, the fear of God, gradually led to more free, more precisely, loose relationships, which were still not customary to talk about, at the social level such relationships were even condemned. Meanwhile, the external manifestations of life, such as an increase in the number of divorces, an increase in the number of abortions, testified to the presence of problems in family relations.
The modern, physiological, approach to sex education is based on an attempt to legitimize lawlessness. It is based on the idea that sexual, and in the language of modern pedagogy - sexual, relationships are not limited to the family, but become a reality for most young people even before marriage. If this is so, then we are no longer talking about the family - it all comes down to sexual psychology and paraphernalia. The result was the abolition of the concept of the family as the basis future life young people. The families in which they now live and are being brought up are also ignored, the opinion and influence of parents in the field of sex education is ignored, which is manifested in an attempt to exclude parents from discussing programs and the content of sex education courses.
If we express the change in views on the family in our society, then we can say that from a family based on spiritual relationships, we gradually moved on to spiritual (psychological) relationships and then to carnal (physiological), that is, to such relationships that ultimately As a result, they no longer need a family. Metaphorically, this can be expressed as follows: where shame is lost, conscience is silent and sin triumphs.
Marriage is enlightenment and mystery at the same time. It is the transformation of man, the expansion of his personality. A person acquires a new vision, a new sense of life, is born into the world in a new fullness. Only in marriage is it possible to fully understand a person, to see another person. In marriage, a person plunges into life, entering it through another person. This knowledge gives that feeling of completeness and satisfaction, which makes us richer and wiser.
This fullness deepens even more with the emergence of the third, merged together, from the two, their child. A perfect married couple will give birth to a perfect child, it will continue to develop according to the laws of perfection. But if between the parents there is an unconquered discord, a contradiction, then the child will be the product of this contradiction and will continue it.
Through the sacrament of marriage, grace is also granted for the upbringing of children, which Christian spouses only contribute to in their parental activities, as the Apostle Paul says: “Not I, however, but the grace of God that is with me” (1 Corinthians 15:10). Secretly, but tangibly assist parents in raising children, averting various dangers from them, guardian angels given to babies from holy baptism.
If in marriage only an external connection has taken place, and not the victory of each of the two over their own selfishness and pride, then this will also affect the child, entailing his inevitable alienation from his parents.
It is impossible to forcibly keep, inspire, force the child to be the way the father or mother wants it. Therefore, for the upbringing of children, the most important thing is that they see their parents living a true spiritual life and sanctified by love [Past.priest., p. 291].
Without the love of parents for their children, it is impossible to talk about Christian upbringing. Parental love is a special love, it is sacrificial and selfless love. Each member of the family is called upon to find himself. The personality of the lover must become stronger and richer than before. “If a grain of wheat, falling into the ground, does not die, then one remains; but if he dies, he will bear much fruit” (John 12:24). This is a true austerity of family life - difficult and painful. The “I” of each of the parents is infringed, broken, suppressed by the needs of other family members. Sleepless nights, physical fatigue, stiffness, anxiety - all this cannot be avoided. The father may feel neglected because the wife has begun to pay more attention to maternal responsibilities. Christianity teaches that a voluntary sacrifice of at least a part of the hypertrophied "I" can be the beginning of the creation of a new, the best person. Along with the willingness to sacrifice a part of one's "I", an equally strong desire develops to know the "I" of others, to understand the needs of their personalities, outlooks on life, their abilities.
Parents need spiritual guidance and creative inspiration to deepen their understanding of relationships with their own children. At the heart of these relationships is love, full of responsibility, recognizing authority, created on respect and the desire to understand the personality of the child. From a Christian point of view, parental love has the emotional fullness of love, it is important that it does not become selfish. Ideally, she is completely disinterested, and the example of this is the love of the Mother of God for Jesus Christ. A mother's love for her child fills her life, enriches her. It is love for something greater than herself, for something that no longer belongs to her. The child grows up and leaves the parents. The sacrificial, Christian meaning of parental love lies in the recognition of this fact. The images of Abraham and Isaac are still a model for parents who are eager to dedicate the life of a child to God - not to interrupt his life, but to subordinate it more to God than to themselves. This is beautifully expressed on the icons of the Mother of God with the Child sitting directly on Her knees: Her arms embrace Him, not pressing Him to Herself [Kulomz.–Nasha Ts., p. 77−78].
A man begins his life in a family that he did not create, this is the family of his father and mother, and he enters into it through birth, long before he succeeds in realizing himself and the world. I.A. Ilyin said that the child receives this family as a special gift of fate. Marriage is based on choice and decision, and the child does not have to choose and decide. Father and mother, as it were, form the fate that falls on his lot in life, and he can neither reject nor change this fate - he can only accept it and bear it all his life. What will come out of a person in his later life is determined in his childhood, in the bosom of the family. We are all formed in this womb, with all our capabilities, feelings and desires, and each of us remains throughout his life a spiritual representative of his family, as if a living symbol of its family spirit [Ilyin-Sobr. soch.v.3, p. . 142].
The family, being the heir and guardian of spiritual and moral traditions, most of all educates children with its way of life, understanding the need not only to preserve, but also to multiply what we have inherited from previous generations. From a spiritual point of view, it would be more accurate to say: not to multiply, but to raise to a new level, and this is possible only in a churched family. Let's try to explain it on a simple model. If imagine earthly life in the form of a circle, the transfer of life experience and customs in the family tends to be constantly repeated, and if there are differences in some psychophysical or professional manifestations in different generations, then this, within the framework of our model, changes only the radius of the circle, affecting the quantitative characteristics of life, not taking it to the next level. In order to change the level of being, each generation must break this circle, turning the trajectory of life into a spiral, preserving, multiplying and exalting it, and this is a task that can only be solved on a spiritual level. Children, with the help of their parents and the grace of God, overcome in themselves the rudiments of those sins and sinful inclinations that they have inherited. The transition of our children to a new level of spiritual life in comparison with ours is the main goal of Christian upbringing in the family. Let children be ahead of us not only in the physical, intellectual and other spheres, but the main thing is that they make a breakthrough in the spiritual sphere of being.
In practice, this task is solved only through the spiritualization, churching of the whole way of family life, through the disclosure of the spiritual meaning of the main realities of life, the Christian understanding of happiness as well-being, bliss in the spirit of the Sermon on the Mount, through the opportunity to freely develop and realize the creative abilities received from God. The feeling of joy and bliss is a gift God's grace, which is acquired, among other things, by the fulfillment of apparently formal duties: recognition of order and obedience, that is, the protection of the discipline that has developed in the family.
The sacraments of the Church are the basis for the spiritual growth of children. In the sacrament of baptism, the Lord washes them from original sin, removing from them the curse that weighs on the fallen human race. In the sacrament of chrismation, the Lord adopts the child to Himself, granting him grace. The spiritual life of the child, born in baptism, requires nourishment to sustain it. The Lord grants him nourishment in the sacrament of communion. Innocent babies should be given communion as often as possible. The grace of communion of the Body and Blood of the Lord is extraordinary, it nurtures, heals and strengthens the child spiritually and physically. It is desirable that from the age of four, a baby no longer eats or drinks in the morning until communion [Pest.–Modern practice vol. 4, p. 136−139].
From the age of seven, a baby becomes an adolescent and is considered responsible for his actions. From these years, it is necessary to instill in him spiritual cleanliness, to instill the need to wash away sin in the sacrament of repentance through the confession of his sins. In the sacraments of the Church, children communicate with the Lord himself. By limiting their participation in the sacraments, we violate the commandment of the Savior: “Let the children come to Me and do not hinder them, for of such is the Kingdom of God” (Mark 10:14).
Prayer becomes the breath of spiritual life. Life ends with the cessation of breathing, so spiritual life ends with the cessation of prayer. With the first awakening of consciousness, it is necessary to instill in the child the concept of God as the source of life, goodness and kindness. From that time on, he should be taught to pray. Let the child learn for the rest of his life that his first movement upon awakening should be the fold of fingers and the sign of the cross, the first words - praise to the Lord, the first conversation - a prayer, the first taste during the day - communion or the adoption of holy water and consecrated bread (prosphora, antidore , arthosa). As the child grows, the Gospel should be the first reading. Holidays for him should begin with a visit to the temple of God.
Prayer manifests itself in three forms: in the fulfillment of prayerful household rules, in the ascension to God short prayers throughout the day, in attending church services. Children should also be taught to all these forms of prayer.
Usually the child begins to pray with the "Virgin Mary". The Mother of Christ is the Mother of the entire Christian race. And just as the first words of a child are “mom” and “dad”, so his first conversations with God should be composed of “Theotokos” and then “Our Father”. The child should be taught to pray for loved ones and make the sign of the cross on himself.
As the child grows, so does his prayer rule. For the youths who have mastered the letter, in the morning and in the evening it is feasible to read the morning and evening hours established by the Church. prayer rules. They take about 10-15 minutes. The number of prayers should be increased gradually, as the child grows. During the day, the rule of St. Seraphim of Sarov should be read for laity burdened with work and having little time. It includes: three times "Our Father", three times "Mother of God" and once "I believe." When new prayers are added to the rule, they should be explained to the children. When the children grow up, they should be told the story of the origin of prayers and introduced to the biography of the authors. Reading "Holy God", in these words they will hear the song of angelic choirs, seen by a boy in Constantinople during the time of Patriarch Proclus. Starting “Worthy”, they will be transferred to a wretched Athos cell, where the beginning of this prayer was heard for the first time in the mouth of the Archangel Gabriel. Reading the 24 petitions of the evening rule, they will remember St. John Chrysostom.
In the first centuries of Christianity, prayer in the family was common and all family members gathered for it. The eldest in the family read the prayer, and all those present quietly repeated after him. We should imitate this custom by having the children read the prayers one by one. From adolescence, it is necessary to teach children to bow and bow to the ground. Bows make up for our absent-mindedness in prayer. The efforts of the body are complemented by weakness of attention and insensitivity of the heart. Attention should be paid to the external manner of holding on to prayer. It is good to end the rule with a common prayer chant. In order to revive the zeal of the children, they need to be told about the cases when the Lord fulfilled the petitions that were voiced in the fervent prayer of children. Children should memorize a number of prayers that help in various circumstances. From an early age, children should get into the habit of praying before and after meals, before and after classes. They should also be taught that before leaving for school or even leaving the house and before going to bed, they approached their parents with a request to cross them. The sign of the cross of parents, performed with faith and reverence, has a great protective power for the child.
To teach a child to church prayer, it is necessary from early childhood to take him to church to attend worship services. He will not be weary of divine services if he gets used to attending them from beginning to end from childhood, at first sitting, and with age standing. Youths must attend Sunday and holiday vigils and liturgies. Grown-up children should not be excluded from night services, when they are laid down by the Church [Pest.–Modern practice vol. 4, p. 139−147].
The Lord Himself pointed out two types of weapons in the fight against the forces of darkness: “This kind is driven out only by prayer and fasting” (Matthew 17:21). If the need for prayer to kindle and maintain spiritual life is recognized by all Christians, then fasting is often not recognized or is not recognized as obligatory. In the life of an old Russian family, we see a strict execution fast days- Wednesdays and Fridays - and four established by the Church multi-day posts. All patristic literature speaks of the need for our spirit and body to observe fasts. According to the teachings of the Holy Fathers, a healthy baby does not fast only when he is still feeding on his mother's milk, that is, until about three years old (in ancient times, Jewish women fed babies with their own milk until they were three years old). Exclusion of fasting was allowed only for sick children.
Along with the need to observe fasting to some extent, care should also be taken to protect children from the habit of satiety or eating too often at this time. You can not indulge the whims of the child, giving him only what he loves. When children grow up and their character and inclinations are determined, parents need to show tact in relation to the norm of fasting. It is impossible, for example, to deprive them of sweets against their will or unreasonably increase the severity of fasting. Adult children cannot be forcibly kept in strict compliance with all the norms of fasting, if they are burdened by this. In this case, fasting does not benefit the soul, but can harden it. The whole point of fasting is in voluntary abstinence and self-restraint. And so that the usual norms of fasting are not difficult for adult children, they should be accustomed to fasting from a very young age [Pest.–Sovr.prakt.t.4, p. 149−152].
Children are well aware of how sincerely the parents themselves observe the accepted rules - be it regular attendance at the temple, goodwill and hospitality, fasting, abstinence from smoking and alcohol. Christian life is built on the fulfillment of the law as an effective principle, as a life position, and not an empty formality or a lifeless ritual. Christian parents, by their behavior, should show their children that the basis of all discipline is the principle “Thy will be done,” and not the principle of the parent “I want it that way.”
Life in the Spirit includes the preservation and development of spiritual traditions, such as common family prayer in the morning, evening and before meals. Not just a formal reading of them, but teaching children to conscious and spiritual prayer, and this is already part of the spiritual care that parents carry out with the help of their spiritual mentor - an Orthodox priest.
The family in the preservation and multiplication of spiritual traditions is closely intertwined with church life. In an Orthodox family, the whole way of life is connected with the church calendar.
The visible manifestation of family life is the home. The home is the place where the physical, spiritual and spiritual life of the family unfolds. I must say that not every living space can be called a house. Eat special word expressing love for home, this word is comfort. Comfort is not only an aesthetic characteristic, but a reflection of the spiritual and moral atmosphere of a small Church, giving a feeling of peace and security, love and care. Comfort is, as a rule, a measure of a woman's return to her original essence, a measure of her finding herself. In a sense, comfort is the home [Nichip.–Vved.v chr.psych., p. 121−122].
From an educational point of view, a particularly important concept is not just a house, but a father's house. It is in it that children grow up, and a lot depends on whether it exists or not in the life of each generation. The father's house, its spiritual and material atmosphere have been formed for decades and even centuries, this is a visible confirmation of the piety and righteousness of the people who lived and live in it. It is a visible indicator of the spiritual, moral and material multiplication of tribal wealth. The spiritual life of the family or the absence of this side of life is determined by the attitude towards father's house. A sign of spiritual decline is the already established secular tradition of selling the parents' house after their death or exchanging the parents' apartment when a new family is formed. This always leads to the loss of the house as a kind of material and spiritual aggregate. Instead of a home, the family acquires a space where they can spend the night, eat, exist. Homeless in the spiritual sense of the family are born. And it's good if there is at least an awareness of this homelessness, which gives rise to a desire to create your own home in such a way that over the years it will become a real stepfather's home for children.
Family and home are a spiritual fortress for our children, which protects them from the temptations of this world. What can parents do to help their children resist these temptations? Every day we must be ready to overcome the influence of the world with a healthy Christian upbringing. Everything a child learns at school should be checked and corrected at home. It is not necessary to consider what the teachers give him as unconditionally useful or neutral: after all, even if he acquires useful knowledge or skills, he can be taught many wrong points of view and ideas. A child's spiritual and moral assessment of literature, music, history, art, philosophy, science, and, of course, life and religion must first of all come not from the school, but from the home and the Church.
Parents should watch what their children are taught and correct what they consider harmful, taking a frank position and clearly emphasizing the moral aspect. The Law of the Russian Federation "On Education" (Article 15, paragraph 7) states: "Parents (legal representatives) of underage students, pupils should be provided with the opportunity to familiarize themselves with the gathering and content of the educational process, as well as with the assessments of students' progress."
Parents should know what kind of music their children listen to, what films they watch (listening or watching with them, if necessary), and give a Christian assessment to all this. In homes that lack the courage to give up television, viewing must be controlled to avoid poisoning.
Self-worship, relaxation, carelessness, enjoyment, renunciation of the slightest thoughts about the other world, which are imposed on us, are teaching godlessness in various forms. Knowing what the world is trying to do to us, we must actively defend ourselves. Alas, when you watch the life of modern Orthodox families and how they pass on their Orthodoxy, one gets the impression that they are losing this battle with the world more often than they are winning.
And yet we should not consider the world around us as entirely bad. We must be reasonable enough to use everything that is positive in it for our educational purposes.
A child accustomed from childhood to classical music, who has developed under its influence, is not subjected to the temptations of the rough rhythm of "rock", modern pseudo-music, to the extent that those who grew up without a musical education are subjected to them. Musical education, according to the Optina elders, purifies the soul and prepares it for receiving spiritual impressions.
A child accustomed to classical literature, who has felt its effect on the soul, who has received true pleasure, will not become a thoughtless adherent of modern television and cheap novels that devastate the soul and lead away from the Christian path.
A child who has learned to see the beauty of classical painting and sculpture will not be seduced by perverted modern art, will not be drawn to tasteless advertising, much less pornography.
A child who is familiar with world history, with how people lived and thought, what traps they fell into, deviating from God and His commandments, and what a glorious and worthy life they led when they were faithful to Him, will be able to correctly judge the life of our time and will not follow the "teachers" of this age [S.Rose–Right.vosp., p. 204−205].
NOT. Pestov says that while protecting children from all the filth of the world, it is necessary to protect them from the carriers of filth. The apostles instructed the first Christians about saving themselves from people of pagan views. The Apostle Paul in his epistle to the Corinthians writes: “Do not be deceived: bad associations corrupt good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33) and further: “…what fellowship of righteousness with lawlessness? What does light have in common with darkness? What agreement is there between Christ and Belial? Or what is the partnership of the faithful with the unbelievers? What is the compatibility of the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God…” (2 Corinthians 6:14-16). The Apostle John the Theologian writes in the same way: “Whoever comes to you and does not bring this teaching (that is, the confession of Christ), do not receive him into your house and do not greet him. For he who greets him participates in his evil deeds” (2 John 1:10-11).
In the early centuries, Christians were forbidden to participate in pagan feasts. According to the story of St. Gregory the Theologian, his mother Nonna never shook hands with a pagan woman and did not sit down to eat food with pagans. Many righteous people showed concern for the purity of the faith in which their children grew up. Thus, for example, the granddaughter of the righteous Philaret the Merciful, who later became the wife of the Emperor of Constantinople Constantine IV Porphyrogenic, was brought up in complete seclusion. “Before you, she did not see anyone else,” the righteous Filaret said about her to the ambassadors who traveled around the Greek Empire to select the most worthy bride for the emperor. The pious Moscow merchant Putilov, who lived at the beginning of the 19th century, taught his sons himself, as he was afraid of the bad influence of their peers on them. His cares and labors were fully justified: all three of his sons became monks and later became famous abbots of three monasteries (Isaiah of Sarov, Moses of Optina and Anthony Maloyaroslavsky).
The doors of the Christian family should be wide open to those who love God, but they should be closed to people who live by the philosophy of godlessness. They should also be closed to those who, calling themselves Christians, in fact do not shun mortal sins. The apostle Paul spoke about this in his epistles: “I wrote to you not to associate with one who, while calling himself a brother, remains a fornicator, or a covetous man, or an idolater, or a blasphemer, or a drunkard, or a predator; Don't even eat with this one. Therefore, cast out the perverted one from among you” (1 Corinthians 5:11, 13). At the same time, superficial communication with the surrounding non-Christian world is allowed. It is obvious that it is necessary to draw a line between forced business relations with people and voluntary close communication. In any case, when inviting acquaintances to the family, when choosing playmates for children, care must be taken.
Family ties cannot serve as an excuse for associating with lawless people. The Lord considers kinship not according to the flesh, but according to the spirit. “For whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother” (Mark 3:35). The only justification for our fellowship with those who are close to us in the flesh and who do not want to know God can only be the fulfillment of the commandments of love, the fulfillment of which is obligatory in relation to everyone without exception. However, in this case, communication should be limited to necessity.
Together with the concern for the selection of spiritually nourishing literature, children should be protected from books that adversely affect their souls. This, according to N.E. Pestov, there is the next special moment in protecting children from the temptations of this world.
For young children, fairy tales are the best reading. But there are many fairy tales and stories where the author brings out demons in a playful tone. The devil and his dark hordes, recalls Pestov, are the enemies of man, according to the Lord Himself (Matt. 13:28), and therefore one cannot draw them to children as stupid or ridiculous creatures. With the right spiritual attitude, a Christian should always be vigilant against his enemy and not be deceived in relation to his strength, malice, deceit. Reverend Seraphim Sarovsky said that if the grace of God did not protect people, then Satan would wipe all mankind from the face of the earth with one fingernail.
Instilling a disdainful attitude towards the dark force from childhood dulls our vigilance in the future. In addition, one cannot approve of the pronunciation of an ungodly name. But at the same time, young children should not draw demons in the true light, as this will frighten them and make them shy. For young children, there should be no dark side of life at all. When they grow up, it is wise to introduce children to the true character dark forces and ways of dealing with them, using the descriptions of the experience of saints and ascetics.
Children should be protected from reading books of a blasphemous nature, theomachy, immoral, sowing unclean thoughts. Any book written by an atheist bears the imprint of the godless worldview of its author and to some extent encourages the reader to look at the world through his eyes.
For example, N.E. Pestov cites the writings of Mark Twain, who is considered a children's classic. In The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain paints images of an anti-Christian character in which the corruption of sin is covered up with the guise of valor. For his heroes there is no God. The main features of their behavior towards elders are disobedience and deceit. Boys smoke, steal, get into fights - and the author elevates all this to valor.
It is necessary, as Pestov believed, to save children from the addictions of the world. “No one can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one and love the other; or he will be zealous for one, and neglect the other. You cannot serve God and mammon” (Matthew 6:24). So the Lord warns us.
Our children can become infected with addiction to earthly goods from us if we are not free from this vice. Collecting material values under any pretext is a violation of the commandments of the Lord.
Passion can become not only material values but also the achievements of science and the progress of technology. The path leading to the main goal of a Christian's life lies not through secular science. It can be reached only by acquiring the Holy Spirit. It is necessary to see to it that studies in science do not capture all the attention and all the time of our children, but that Sundays and holidays are sacredly observed in them with the obligatory attendance of worship. Let the morning and evening minutes set aside for prayers remain untouched for worldly pursuits.
And whatever the child is fond of - science, technology, art - parents should carefully monitor the importance the child attaches to these activities. One should be afraid that something will not become an idol for children and would alienate them from God, stifling the growth of spiritual life. This is a sign of a spiritual disease that needs to be fought. This is a sign of an unhealthy atmosphere surrounding children.
Communication between God and the human soul takes place only in conditions of silence, peace, deep calmness and concentration. It should, on the advice of Pestov, protect children from entertainment that violates peace and inner peace, and try to raise children in solitude and silence. If parents have a choice between the city and the countryside, the village should be chosen. There are fewer temptations, entertainment and fuss. There it is easier to create a quiet, laboring life for children, it is easier to instill a taste for a good book, to become akin to nature, to accustom them to unabashed prayer. There is more time to think about God and Eternity.
It is much more difficult to raise children in a city with its inherent entertainment. You can not forbid them all entertainment. You can allow them to go to the cinema or the theater, but you should not encourage them to do so yourself. Of course, parents should choose the most suitable plays and films, such as historical or scientific ones. The same should be done with dancing. It should not be forbidden if the children really want it, but it should not be encouraged either.
With regard to entertainment, parents themselves should set an example of a quiet, concentrated life dedicated to selfless service to others, a life in the fear of God, a life in God and with God. And if it is impossible to completely eliminate children from the temptations of the world, then let parents be afraid to push them to entertainment themselves, remembering the words of the Lord: “Woe to the world from temptations, for temptations must come, but woe to that person through whom the temptation comes” (Mt. 18, 7).
Part of a lecture given at the Saratov Theological Seminary in 2003 by the then Candidate of Pedagogical Sciences, Archpriest Evgeny Shestun. A year later, with the blessing of Archbishop Sergius of Samara and Syzran, Father Eugene received monastic tonsure with the name George.
The sacrament of marriage returns the fullness of being to a person. Eve was taken from Adam, and thus the fullness of his being was violated. A person feels complete in a true marriage: “two fleshes” become one (Compare Gen. 2:24), in popular language, “two halves found each other, united into a whole.” In this regard, I thought a lot about what monasticism is, why the monks do not seek this fullness, how they replenish it. In addition, they say that there is no difference between male and female monasticism. For me, all this was a mystery and a mystery, until I met it very closely.
Following worldly logic, replenishment must be, it is necessary. From this point of view, monasticism is seen as the fulfillment of one's being by God, that is, as a special kind of marriage. This opinion is quite widespread, and for example, let us cite the words of Abbot Hilarion (Alfeev), now a metropolitan: “There is something essentially in common between marriage and monasticism. These are not two opposite paths, but two paths that are close to each other in many respects. Man as an individual is not a fully-fledged creature, he is realized as a person only in communication with another. And in marriage, the filling of the missing occurs through the acquisition of the second “half”, the second “I”, through the acquisition of the “other”. In monasticism, this “other” is God Himself. Secret monastic life lies in the fact that one who has accepted monasticism completely orients his life towards God. A person consciously and voluntarily refuses not only marriage, but also many other things available to ordinary people in order to concentrate on God as much as possible and devote his whole life, all his thoughts and deeds to Him. And in this sense, monasticism is close to marriage.”
When I began to read the works of the elders about monasticism, I became convinced that monasticism is in fact great mystery. If you take the “Book for Monks and Laity”, compiled by Archimandrite John (Krestyankin), then in the preface you will read the first lines: “Monasticism is God’s great mystery. And for those who dare to enter into this holy mystery and partake of the true spirit of monasticism, the Lord has preserved for all time in the writings the experience of the Fathers who have traveled this path to the joy of Eternity.”
In a letter to his brother “On monastic tonsure,” Archbishop Seraphim (Zvezdinsky) tried to express the inexpressible: to tell what happens to a person when monastic tonsure is performed. Let's read the beginning of this letter: “My dear, dear brother! Christ is in our midst! I have just received your warm, cordial letter, I hasten to answer. That warmth, that brotherly cordiality with which you write to me touched me to the depths of my soul. Thank you, my dear, for congratulations and bright wishes. You ask me to share with you my feelings that I lived before the time of tonsure and the subsequent holy time. With the liveliest joy I fulfill your request, although it is not easy to fulfill it. How can I express what I experienced and how my soul lives now, with what words can I express what has filled and fills my heart?! I am so infinitely rich in heavenly, blessed treasures, bestowed upon me by the generous right hand of the Lord, that, indeed, I am not able to count even half of my wealth.
I'm a monk now! How terrible, inconceivable and strange! New clothes, a new name, new, hitherto unknown, never known thoughts, new, never experienced feelings, a new inner world, a new mood, everything, everything is new, all of me is new to the marrow of my bones. What a marvelous and supernatural act of grace! She melted me in everything, transformed everything ...
Understand, dear: I, the former Nikolai (how I don’t want to repeat a worldly name!) is no more, not at all, they took them somewhere and buried them deep, so that not even the smallest trace was left. Another time you try to imagine yourself as Nikolai - no, it never works out, you strain your imagination to the very extreme, but you can’t imagine the former Nikolai. As if I fell asleep in a sound sleep ... I woke up - and what? I look around, I want to remember what happened before falling asleep, and I can’t remember the previous state, as if someone had etched it out of my consciousness, squeezing a completely new one in its place. Only the present remains - the new, hitherto unknown, but the future is far away. After all, a child born into the world does not remember its uterine life, so here I am: tonsure made me a baby, and I don’t remember my worldly life, it’s as if I was born just now, and not 25 years ago. Separate memories of the past, fragments, of course, have been preserved, but there is no former essence, the soul itself is different ... "
My spiritual children, whom I had known for many years, began to take monastic vows. I myself am not a monk and, attending the vows, I could only observe from the outside what is happening with people whom I know and love well. I saw that a great Sacrament was actually taking place: a man dies in monasticism, but an Angel is born. And one of the first questions that is asked during tonsure is: “Do you wish to be honored with the angelic image of monastics?” The monk is an angel in the flesh.
An angel is a sexless creature, and since he is sexless, he can live outside of marriage, he does not require earthly replenishment. Therefore, monasticism should not be likened to marriage. This is a great Mystery. Athos elder Ephraim of Katunaksky said that the monks replenish the number of Angels, replacing the fallen Angels. In the “Word uttered by the Elder at the tonsure of a nun…” he said: “How to call what we saw today? Neither pen nor earthly language can express this sacrament. Great and unexplored is the honest mystery of monastic tonsure... Our sister Nikifora! The Angels rejoiced at your today's tonsure, because they saw you entering into their faces. The demons were saddened, wept with great lamentation, because you took the place where they were placed before the fall ... Oh! Nikephora, Nikephora, great is your grace, the earthly Angel Nikephora!
You can smile, because you have seen and know the monks, you can say: “Tell us, father, tell us, we know everything about them.” But I want to tell you that the carnal nature remains, spiritual warfare is not abolished: the world is fighting the Angel inside the monk, but the world will never defeat this Angel. Sooner or later, ten years, twenty years will pass, but still the Angel will conquer nature. The angelic in a monk will take over, it is already indestructible, like the image of God in man. I have been to Athos, met monks there, about whom various stories about their “adventures” were told. But five or six years passed, and when we came again, we saw that they were becoming Angels, prayerful, reverent. “The invisible scolding of a monk, according to Elder Ephraim of Katunak, consists in conquering inner passions, oneself. At first you will meet an old man, like Goliath, but go for it! Grace will come, and you will rise above the passions, above yourself, and you will see another person, like the new Adam, with a different spiritual horizon, a different spiritual garment, a different spiritual food.”
How can a monk fall? If he sins, if he falls, he still cannot become a man, because he is an Angel. Monastic vows are given only once. And when a monk himself lays off his monastic robes and even enters into marriage, according to the canonical rules of the Church, he continues to be a monk, but a fallen monk. We must understand that a monk may be fallen, or may be completely fallen away from God. Then what does a monk become? The fallen Angel is a demon. A fallen monk becomes a demon. That's scary! I can cite only two cases where this happens: the suicide of a monk and death under anathema. Maybe there are other reasons for falling away from God, I just don't know them.
At first glance, any believer is not much different from the monks, but you will notice how they are silent. They already know how to be silent, unlike us. Monks receive the gift of prayer. Their face is turned to God, and not to the world. They strive for solitude, they want to close, they already have a prayer. You look closely at the monks: you can immediately recognize them, they are different from us.
There is another secret: a person cannot choose monasticism himself. Only monks can choose a person to become a monk. Who blesses for monasticism? Monks again. Angels choose their replenishment. Only they can say: “Come, here you are! Come to us - you are ready. Not a single person from the world, even a particularly spiritual one, is able to bless for monasticism, he can agree, understand, but bless ... The blessing of parents has great spiritual power, but even Orthodox parents are at a loss before the mystery of monasticism. During the tonsure, the consent and blessing of the parents is not required, more precisely, this question does not even arise. The lives of the saints and the biographies of the ascetics of Orthodoxy testify that most of them went to monastic vows without the blessing of their parents. Parents are surprised: “How can this be?” They fight often. But the child goes to God! Need to rejoice!
Angels are chosen by Angels. This is the business of the monks: to choose one who is ready for another life and to mow him. This is a monastic ceremony. What should the chosen one do? His job is to say, remember what words? - Behold, the servant of the Lord; wake me up according to your word (Luke 1:38).
When is a person ready for monasticism? When he refuses. Not because he realizes that he is ready, not because he has gathered, but is ready when they came to him and said: “Let's go!”, And he answered: “I'm going!” It is at this moment that the choice occurs. It is amazing! They say to him: “Now, now!” - “Why not yesterday? Why not tomorrow? What will happen?" - "We must now!" - I asked: "Why?" “You don’t understand,” they answer.
But because a week earlier a person would have said: “No!”, he would have been afraid. In a week he will decide: "I can live without it." And you need to offer a person at such a moment when he firmly says: “Yes!”, - and then, having received this angelic image, he will never refuse it.
Do you remember the biography of Elder Sampson (Sivers)? His pedigree includes the famous Counts of Sievers, ministers and governors under Empress Catherine II and Emperor Paul. Father is Danish, mother is English. When their son converted to Orthodoxy and then became a monk, his mother told him: “We are removing you from our family.” Subsequently, Fr. Sampson became one of the confessors and holy ascetics of the long-suffering Russian Church of the 20th century. He was shot, he spent many years in prisons and exile. In addition, accusing him of charms, he was not allowed to serve, in the Pskov-Pechersky monastery he pastured cows. But when, before his death, he was asked: “Father, if you lived your life again, what would you become?”, He replied: “I would again become a Russian monk!”
In monasticism there is a gift that a person, like a precious pearl, will never exchange for anything. If everyone knew this, we would all run there. But the Lord does not let everyone understand this. As Hieromartyr Archbishop Seraphim (Zvezdinsky) wrote to his brother: “I will briefly tell you, my dear, about my current new, monastic life, I will say in the words of one monk: “If worldly people knew all those joys and spiritual consolations that a monk has to experience, then there would be no one left in the world, everyone would become monks, but if worldly people knew in advance the sorrows and torments that befell a monk, then no flesh would ever dare to take on the monastic dignity, none of the mortals would dare to This". Deep truth, great truth…”
Why Orthodox Church monastic leadership? Because the Church can only be entrusted to Angels, not to people. This is where the Angels lead. In Orthodoxy, bishops are called so - Angels of the Church. On the example of the Western world, we see what kind of trouble comes if people try to control the Church.
Why did I begin to reason and think about monasticism? Last year Vladyka Sergius took us to Athos for the fifth time. There we met with the elders. Elder Joseph of Vatopedi, who wrote a book about his mentor, the Monk Joseph the Hesychast, always receives our bishop, talks, and this time we also managed to see him. Another elder with whom we met and talked was Papa Janis from the skete of St. Anna. He said what I had heard several times and which had always offended me. The elder said that the most negligent monk is better than the most spiritual "white" priest. I thought: “How so? That's pride! This is how the monks think of themselves!” But later, when I began to think about monasticism, I understood the meaning of what he said. From his lips we heard that the most negligent Angel is higher than the best person. Isn't that right? It is so! How can you not agree with this?
Elder Paisios of Athos, whose two volumes of letters and sermons have recently been published in Russia, said the amazing thing that the grace of the priesthood does not save the priest himself. In his words, "The priesthood is not a means to salvation (of the person who receives it)." That is, just because we are priests, we cannot be saved. Although the Monk Silouan of Athos wrote that there is so much grace in a priest, such a sea that if he saw it, he would certainly be proud. Therefore, the Lord does not allow us to see this sea of grace. And Elder Paisios writes that grace is not given for a priest. The grace of the priesthood saves, but not him, but others through him. By becoming a priest, you have gained grace, you have gained the power to save others, to help others, but you will not be saved by it. You, as a person, need to strive for yourself. The sacrament of the priesthood does not change the nature of a person, you remain the same - sinful, weak, fallen. But, nevertheless, you have the authority and spiritual power to help save others.
The sacrament of monasticism changes the nature of man. Elder Paisios said: “Many times I was offered to become a priest, I always refused.” Even Ecumenical Patriarch invited him to accept the priesthood. “For me,” Father Paisios said, “monasticism is enough.” Because monasticism is a gift of prayer for the whole world.
When we try to become hesychasts, to sort out the rosary, to make a prayer of the mind, we must remember that this is a monastic experience, an angelic experience. Of course, we should also be zealous, but still the experience of hesychasm is the experience of monastic life. And our priestly service is an experience of love for our neighbor. If you forget yourself, then at any time, whenever you are raised, you go to the service with joy. You confess with joy, you sing the funeral service, you take communion and, most importantly, you serve the Divine Liturgy with joy.
When one of my spiritual children was preparing for the tonsure, I was worried: “How is it, such a young one…” And she says: “Father, don’t worry. To cut - it will be more fun than the wedding. What is a wedding?.. And tonsure is such a joy, such a holiday!” It really is such a spiritual celebration! Have you seen how the monks rejoice when they are tonsured? So they're glad their regiment has arrived.
Every person has two paths, both of which are saving: the path of Martha and the path of Mary (Compare Lk. 10:38-42). The path of Martha is an active service to others, such is the calling of the "white" clergy. The path of Mary is the choice of "the one thing for need", the life of a monastic. The monk listens to the Lord, sitting at His feet. Both paths are saving, the second is higher, but it is not for us to choose. One can perish in a monastery, and be saved in the world. Monasticism is the face of the Church, which is always turned to God, and the priesthood is the face of the Church, turned to the world, to people. These are the two joyful faces of the Church.
